The Reason Why

Becoming a voice.

I think the first book I read thoroughly was The Great Gatsby. Frankly, I don't quite remember what the book was about. I simply remember that reading the book was my homework. Unlike any other books, however, I actually enjoyed reading it. Later when I developed spiritually, I started reading books on Christianity. Books written by C. S. Lewis was definitely one of my favorites. I think it was then when I saw how beautiful words were. Individual words had its story to tell. They had their own histories, their own failures and glory. Intricately woven words ceased to be simple figures, but mediators. I wondered how well I would have done on the SATs if I had learned the beauty of language back then.

As I was learning the joys of reading, I concurrently built my desire to write. I had been an instant messenger freak in my youth. Whatever its consequences, I had the opportunity to share pieces of my life with a lady. I met her some years ago in Korea. She wanted to be a writer. Not a professional one, but simply someone who left traces of herself, her memories and the works of God. Reading what she wrote made me peaceful. I wanted to do the same.

Sadly, our relationship did not go so well. It was more like we had parted ways, no hard feelings. We were at different stages in life. (As of now, she got married and is expecting her first child.) I did learn quite a lot from the relationship. I realized that I was very much selfish and that I never really listened to anyone. This lack of attention seemed to be ubiquitous in my life. I seldom listened to others whether it be my parents, friends or even girlfriends, but most of all, I never tried to listen to what God had to say.

Recently, I had graduated from a university and had been having trouble moving on in life. With all this time to ponder about the whys and the whats, I unknowingly paid more attention to God. In reading the Bible a little more, I was hooked on the story of the centurion with great faith. I remember listening to a sermon explaining how the centurion recognized the authority within commands. Words expressed through voice. "A voice of one calling in the desert..." As I learned what it meant to listen, I learned what it meant to speak. Spoken words had power. It represented who I was, and there, I knew I wanted to become a voice, someday speaking for those unheard.