Weird Day

I almost got hit by a car twice today,
and I had no one to talk to about it. 
Maybe I ran too hard.
I was simply trying to establish myself. 
Where did all the others go?
Alone in the island amidst the jungle of a city. 
Only enough for lighthouses, no ships to sail. 

Murmurs of

Lord
Thank you for having led my life thus far,
ever since days of young especially.
Though I have disobeyed, faltered, distrusted
many, almost all of your words,
You have still loved me so.
I know it amounts to nothing,
but I have tried day and again
to simply follow the life You have shown.
It has been years since I have done so,
not giving sight to anything else,
but with more time, I have started to leer,
even stare at desires.
I closed my eyes and ran.
Perhaps I have escaped such grasps,
but my heart is heavy and lonely.
I grow weak and weary. 
Lord, give me strength to wait, patiently. 

주님
어린 시절부터 저와 함께하여 주셔서 감사합니다.
수많은 실수와 오해, 교만함과 죄악들로 인해
주의 사랑을 전하지 못한 때가 대부분이지만,
사실 주님 앞에 전혀 당당할 수도 없지만
그래도 매 순간 주의 뜻을 마음에 품으려 했습니다.
시간이 갈수록 주님보다는 주변의 것들에 눈이 가기도 하였고
그렇기에 두 눈을 꼭 감고 달리기만 한 것 같습니다.
그렇게 한참을 달리고 보니
저는 하염없이 혼자가 되어버린 것 같습니다.
이제는 외롭다는 말이 제 입술을 스쳐 나옵니다.
마음의 위로 주시옵소서. 

Gun Experience

Hey everyone. I wanted to write about how I was doing lately. I feel like I haven't written anything on a personal level for some time. 

After having graduated, I spent just over a month doing whatever I have been meaning to do. It mostly consisted of learning mixed martial arts, but little events now and then as well. To list some off, I watched the Superbowl at an American sports bar in Itaewon, I went swimming at a water park, met a lot of family and watched tons of movies. I managed to sign up for an online Korean history course. I also wanted to read books, but I did not quite manage to accomplish that. I have a bit more time before I head into basic training. The training will only be for a month, and after that I will be placed in some rural part of Korea to serve as a doctor for those with difficulties accessing medical needs. 

In any case, I wanted to talk about the time I visited a shooting range. For those in the States, seeing guns may not be such a rare occasion, but it is illegal to possess firearms in Korea. There were at least three prominent shooting ranges in Seoul, and I got a friend to tag along since he had some business near one of the spots. 

I was expecting a lot more professionalism, but the place looked more like a tourist spot than a practice facility. They handed a booklet of all the guns they had. My friend and I each chose a gun and paid for 10 rounds. I chose the Glock 25 as it was recommended to be the simplest and the most common one to shoot first try. Let me remind you that it was really expensive. 

The whole experience was rather short lived. 10 rounds was not much, but the impact was definitely memorable. I have been told many a times that the recoil will be strong. I was expecting a knockback, but a handgun didn't have as much a punch. Plus, they somehow chained the guns for safety measures.

I have to say, though, I got scared. I have been trying everything new during these times, and I thought I was well prepared for anything, especially for firearms. All the media portrayals of handguns, machine guns, rifles and what not, was nothing like the real deal. It had power. The moment I shot my first round, fire blazed in front of the gun. I could clearly see the blast. The shot, however, was too fast to notice. The scariest part was that the gun was fully capable of incapacitating, rather, killing another human being. I don't think it was a matter of human frailty, but skewed technological advancement driven by human madness. 

It was a fun experience, but my heart was heavy. I don't know how many rounds it would take for me to be fully comfortable with a gun. I honestly don't know if I will ever become at ease with a weapon as such. It was my first time I was ever glad for the gun control laws in Korea. 

I'll try to keep up to date what I am brewing in these times of freedom. Until then. 

Stale Bread

"When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table. A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them." Luke 7:36-38

"'Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven - as her great love as shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.' Then Jesus said to her, 'Your sins are forgiven.'" Luke 7:47-48

Nothing is as it was: burning heart, thirst for knowledge, tender intimacy. 
Is this part of growing up or growing cold? Stalemate, I say. 
Shall I stay still? Lie low? Patience seems the hardest. 

Lady Rose

Lights.
Curtains.
Spotlight.
My eyes are fixated, more so blinded by the allure.
She radiates of virtue, glitters with a simple smile.
Gleaming as she looks towards God in praise.
The crimson dress blooms into affection.
Her lips matching such passion, burst.
Her eyes, crystal clear, seemingly penetrates through my broken soul.
I soak in all that she is, lest I miss a single moment.
Unfamiliarity curtains like a veil as every rose must have its thorn.
This I know, price I will to pay.
You ask what do I know of her? Yet what else can I ask for?
The love for Christ, spoken through with each note of harmony. 
The angels do not travel down too often, likewise, her presence glorifies the Maker.
Love seemed but a miracle. Life, forever spoiled.
No beauty can ever compare. Losing sight of all else. 
Shine like the starlight, the moonlight, gently illuminating my darkened nights.
But this I know, I cannot bear my selfish needs to ensnare.
So I let her be, let her live, let her flourish unto her life.
And like a shell, caressing a precious pearl, I wait.
Curtains.
Lights.
Breathe. 

Encouragement from a Friend Afar

Don't overestimate your own power
Don't underestimate your value

May you have just the correct estimation of yourself,
your situation and your calling in Christ.