Another Happy Birthday Mom

Happy birthday Mom!
Every year I wish I was nicer to you.
Every year, I seem to fail at that,
so here's is my attempt at doing something about it.
I love you a lot. Thanks a bunch.

Catastrophic Breakdown

I am hoping I am not alone on this, but don't you have those moments where you suddenly realize how much of a prick you had been? I wish I could turn back time, or even apologize to those who were caught up in my catastrophic breakdown. I'm simply hoping I will get to see a better me each day. 

Sparing Life

"And the Lord said to Satan, 'Behold, he is in your hand; only spare his life.'" Job 2:6

Upon listening to various sermons, I came across one on the book of Job. The pastor was old, seemingly wise through age. The best part of the sermons was that the pastor unfolded the mysteries of life through Job.

As harsh as it may sound, the pastor explained that God had put limits to Satan's work on Job precisely to make Job suffer more. Now, the word suffer may seem cruel, but to God, it was necessary. Throughout the book of Job, he constantly cries out to God saying it would have been better if he had not been born, that it would have been better for him to die immediately.

For us, life seems like the most important aspect to our existence. Even simply writing that previous sentence seemed stupid because life is everything in our flesh. Naturally, God commanding Satan to spare Job's life seemed like the last line, the last act of mercy. The pastor, however, explained that to God, life in the flesh is not the most precious prize. The reason God had spared Job's life was so that Job would struggle more to find God, to not only hear about God but to see Him. 

As Jesus had endured the cross, some things simply need suffering. For Job, his struggles had allowed him to come before God and experience his grace in person. 

From time to time, I find myself praying for good health and overflowing wealth. What for? The best explanation the pastor gave was that through all that, I may find myself independent from God. The prayers that we pray without much thought are exactly what God wishes not for us. Everlasting companionship is His goal, and we ask for none of it.

So, where do you stand?

Beautiful Struggle - Talib Kweli

The laughter's the best medicine

But the troubles you have today you just can't laugh away

Stay optimistic, thinking change is gonna come like Donny Hathaway

You have to pray, on top of that, act today

Cause opportunity shrivel away like Tom Hanks in "Cast Away"

Everybody pass away, the pastor prays, the family mournin'

Everybody act accordin' to the season that they born in (You'll try to change the world)

You fight in the streets, start bleedin' 'til the blood is pourin'

In the gutter, mothers cry 'til the Lord be livin' by the sword and

All that folks want is safety, they goin' gun crazy

The same reason Reagan was playin' war games in the '80s

The same reason I always rock dog chains on my babies

The struggle is beautiful, I'm too strong for your slavery

Beautiful Struggle - Talib Kweli

More than Half the Kingdom

"And he vowed to her, 'Whatever you ask me, I will give you, up to half of my kingdom.' And she went out and said to her mother, 'For what should I ask?' And she said, 'The head of John the Baptist.' And she came in immediately with haste to the king and asked, saying, 'I want you to give me at once the head of John the Baptist on a platter.' And the king was exceedingly sorry, but because of his oaths and his guests he did not want to break his word to her. And immediately the king sent an executioner with orders to bring John's head. He went and beheaded him in the prison and brought his head on a platter and gave it to the girl, and the girl gave it to her mother. When his disciples heard of it, they came and took his body and laid it in a tomb." Mark 6:23-29

A lot could be said about the king, but I only wanted to touch on two points. 

The first is that the king was focused more on saving face. He needed to maintain his reputation as one in charge, but by doing so, he had ultimately lost authority and played for a fool to the girl and her mother. 

The second is that the king had not held God greater than all. Had he known who God was and what it meant to be a man of God such as John the Baptist, he would not have ordered the death of John. Had the king held the man of God greater than half his kingdom, John the Baptist could have lived longer years. 

Hold On

Let them know we still here,
still fighting, still brewing, still standing
holding onto the treasures, the beliefs, the love

그녀의 한 마디

"안 좋아할 수 있으면 안 좋아해봐."

무뎌있던 그의 가슴은 이른 가을바람을 타고 다가온 그녀의 한 마디에 설레이기 시작했다.

쉬는 날이면 집에만 있는 것에 익숙한 그는 왠일인지 그녀의 초청에 쉽게 응했다. 긴 연휴기간 동안 혼자 남게 되어 그랬는지, 혹은 그저 그가 좋아하는 음식을 먹을 수 있어서 그런건지 그도 잘 몰랐던 것 같다.

식사 후에 찾아간 덕수궁은 참으로 평안했다. 오랜 역사의 흔적 속에 지금까지 이어져 온 그 특유의 분위기는 걷고 있는 사람들마다 주인공으로 만들어 주는 듯한 풍경이었고, 사이사이에 밝은 빛을 발하던 전시물들은 강렬한 인상을 남겨 오늘이 마치 특별한 날이라도 된 것처럼 기억에 뿌리를 내리게 하였다. 

덕수궁을 나왔어도 그 돌담길을 거닐다 보니 둘은 그 아름다움에 취해 아무 생각 없이 계속 걸었다. 도로와 도로를 지나 이화고등학교가 보일 무렵 공원들을 걷다보니 도심 속의 발코니를 만나서 잠시 쉬었다 가기로 하였다. 어린이공원이라는 이름이 있었지만 너무 늦은 시간이었는지 어린이들은 하나도 보이지 않았다. 사실 인기척이라고는 전혀 없는 그런 조용한 공원이었다. 

그렇게 둘은 계단에 함께 앉아 그 넓은 공간 속에 작은 안식처를 만들었고, 가끔 조용히 계단 옆쪽으로 지나가는 행인들을 향한 미안한 마음은 둘만의 시간을 방해하는 사람들이 되어갔다. 

서로의 이야기 가운데 그녀는 소소한 이야기들로 자신의 모습을 그에게 전하고 있었다. 애정하는 곳, 애정하는 음악, 애정하는 그녀의 삶이라는 시간을 나눠주었다는 생각에 그는 점차 마음이 열리기 시작한 것 같다.

그렇게 낯선듯 익숙한 풍경 속에 두 사람은 가까워지고 있었다. 

True Treasures

"He will be the sure foundation for your times, 
a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge;
the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure." Isaiah 33:6

Let God be the greatest treasure to you.
Let the adoration of, 
the love of, 
the reverence of, 
the sacrifice of 
the Lord be everything to you. 

She Walks in Beauty by Lord Byron

She Walks in Beauty by Lord Byron

She walks in beauty, like the night 

Of cloudless climes and starry skies; 

And all that’s best of dark and bright 

Meet in her aspect and her eyes; 

Thus mellowed to that tender light 

Which heaven to gaudy day denies. 

One shade the more, one ray the less, 

Had half impaired the nameless grace 

Which waves in every raven tress, 

Or softly lightens o’er her face; 

Where thoughts serenely sweet express, 

How pure, how dear their dwelling-place. 

And on that cheek, and o’er that brow, 

So soft, so calm, yet eloquent, 

The smiles that win, the tints that glow, 

But tell of days in goodness spent, 

A mind at peace with all below, 

A heart whose love is innocent!