Memory Note

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

On Job

I am in the course of reading through the book of Job. It is a tough book to read, as I should have been way past Psalms by now. Nonetheless, I don't want to fly over the book, so I am taking some time reading it. 

The book is filled with delicate conversations, mostly of strong opinions hurled across friends. It is easy for the reader to acknowledge that Job is in the right, as noted by the messages in the beginning, but his friends are shown to be without such privilege. 

In the end of the book, God lifts Job up, whilst being angry with his friends. I thought about what wrong the friends committed, but I couldn't come up with a clear answer. 

One theory I came up with was that Job's friends almost talks down upon Job, as if he were a lesser man for having been "punished" by God. I sensed an underlying message of arrogance, deeply instilled as the state of humanity. It seems so easy to look down upon sinners, as if beneath in hierarchy. 

Equality among men seem obvious in modern society, but reality isn't as kind. We all seem to place ourselves in the ladder of society. 


An added comment I wanted to make was that physical illness is quite possibly the worst condition of man. An added message 

We see how Satan is allowed to attack Job on all sides. First, his possessions are lost: oxen, donkeys, sheep, and camels. Then, his sons and daughters were lost. In the next chapter, Satan is now allowed to strike Job with diseases.

A progression of pain and suffering is seen, perhaps implying that physical illness is indeed the worst of human condition. 

So, stand firm, those suffering from various disease. You really do have it the worst, the heroes the world needs. 

Modern Christ Imagination

I remember watching a scene in a drama where a doctor would check the pulse of a patient and make diagnosis. The drama had its setting way before modern medicine was established, allowing such ridiculousness seem okay. The problem was that I started to believe that such was the power of doctors. 

After what has been nearly 4 years, I realized that being a doctor was pretty much being a scientist. Everything was help firmly in evidence and laboratory results, disassembling my beliefs in superpower ridden doctor heroes. 

Luckily, I still have the desire to be a mediator to overcoming diseases, especially since I am almost at the end of my school days. Yet, if a man walked through the corridors of the hospital and healed people simply by praying, touching, or even commanding, I would definitely be in awe. 

If suddenly that man were to command me to follow, I would hesitate. Or would I be completely knelt before him, recognizing my sins and his holiness? 

Maybe it was different back then, but this doesn't seem so far from those that met Jesus. Either you hesitated, or were completely humbled. 

All of a sudden, the childhood game of "follow the leader" seems like the most difficult to play. 

칸막이

칸막이 사이 공간이 걷잡을 수 없을 정도로 벌어지는 게 느껴진다.

수년간 달리 살아온 두 인생이 몇 시간 사이에 가까워지듯이

수개월간 함께 해온 삶이 고작 몇 분 만에 산산조각 나더라.

너를 지나칠 때마다 내 머릿속에서 드는 생각은

"만약 다정하게 뒤에서 끌어안는다면 아무 일 없었다는 듯이 받아줄까"인데

그런 생각도 잠시 그저 고개만 푹 숙인 채 내 자리를 찾아가면

침묵만이 내 마음에 스며들고 그렇게 서서히 익숙해지겠지.

그 때와 지금, 달라진 건 없어. 다만 감정에 솔직하기엔 너무 늦어버린 것 같아.

이제는 그 때의 용기나 체력, 마음의 여유 같은 건 남아있지 않는걸. 

Excerpt from [전적 의존] - 김길

"자신의 죄에 가슴 아파하며 회개를 하면서도 죄를 끊지 못하는 경우, 회개는 어떤 가치를 갖는지 고민하게 된다. 죄가 반복되고 회개도 반복되면, 결국 반복되는 회개에 지치고 만다. '왜 제게는 바울 같은 극적인 변화가 없을까요?' 이런 진지한 질문을 받을 때가 있다. 듣는 사람이 좀 민망해하더라도 나는 꼭 이런 말을 해 준다. '바울은 우리가 생각하는 그런 범죄자가 아닙니다.' 바울은 분명 예수 믿는 사람들을 핍박했다. 그러나 이는 그 나름대로 하나님을 위한 열심에서 한 일이었다. 한마디로 그는 방향을 잘못 잡은 것이지 우리 같은 조악한 죄를 짓는 사람이 아니었다. 본래 하나님을 향해 열심이 특심했던 바울은 하나님이 제대로 된 방향을 제시하시자 바로 방향을 바꿀 수 있었다. 율법적인 생활에 철저했던 바울이 은혜를 경험하니 얼마나 자유롭고 거룩했을 것인가!

우리가 회개하는 것은 다시 하나님을 사랑하기 위해서다. 회개했으면 헌신해야 한다. 그래야 죄와 회개가 반복되는 지루하고 고통스러운 삶을 끝낼 수 있다. 한참 죄와 투쟁하고 회개하면서 치열하게 살 때 나는 마치 개가 토한 것을 다시 먹는 것(잠 26:11)처럼 몹시 고통스러웠다.

과거와는 다르게 살고 싶다면 예수님을 나타내는 삶에 헌신해야 한다. 새로운 삶에 헌신하지 않으면 뒤로 물러나서 다시 죄 가운데로 가기 쉽다. 고난과 헌신은 우리를 참된 회개로 이끌어 준다."

[전적 의존] - 김길

Sinner to Saved

Take a good look.
Take time to really look.
Every inch of skin,
every follicle of hair,
every joints in the body,
every emotions in mind,
every passion at heart,
every dark corner of the very soul.
See it sealed and healed,
but don't ever forget.
Don't dare forget
the worst of beings,
the once condemned.
Let not humility ever leave.
Let not the cross disappear
Remember what was
Hold to what is
Imagine what will

의대에서 알게 된 3 가지

의대를 다니면서 알게 된 3가지

1. 의대는 빨리 졸업해라
 - 가면 갈 수록 말이 많아진다. 추가되는 항목도 많고 의학지식도 날이 갈 수록 많아진다. 그냥 빨리 졸업해서 떠나라. 학교에서 아무리 배워도 의료현장에서 다시 새롭게 또 배워야한다더라. 

2. 족보만이 살 길이다. 
 - 참공부해라, 참의사가 되라 하는데, 솔직히 족보만 다 알고 의사되면 상위 90%의 의사가 될 수 있다. 괜히 족보가 있는 게 아니더라. 중요한 건 중요한 이유가 있다. 

3. 의대생 말은 믿지 말아라
 - 그렇다. 설레발 치는 애들이 참 많다. 공부 못했다고, 안 한다고 말하면서 이미 다 봤거나 몰래 공부한다. 진짜 안 한 애들은 사실 머리가 좋아서 한번 본 것으로나 한 번 들은 것으로 다 푼다. 필자도 의대를 다녔다. 이 글도 믿지 말라. 

Quote from Good Will Hunting

"I'd ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell."

- Good Will Hunting

Queen Vashti's Refusal

"On the seventh day, when the heart of the king was merry with wine, he commanded Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha and Abagtha, Zethar and Carkas, the seven eunuchs who served in the presence of King Ahasuerus, to bring Queen Vashti before the king with her royal crown, in order to show the peoples and the princes her beauty, for she was lovely to look at. But Queen Vashti refused to come at the king's command delivered by the eunuchs. At this the king became enraged, and his anger burned within him...

If it please the king, let a royal order go out from him, and let it be written among the laws of the Persians and the Medes so that it may not be repealed, that Vashti is never again to come before King Ahasuerus. And let the king give her royal position to another who is better than she." Esther 1:10-12, 19

I often wondered why Queen Vashti refused the King's order. It must have been quite obvious the consequences of refusing the king. Nonetheless she did, and it did indeed set the stage up for Esther and the subsequent unfolding of the story.

I wasn't the only one curious about this topic, so I decided to post a decent answer written by Karen Jobes

The book of Esther begins with a description of King Xerxes (or Ahasuerus) of Persia celebrating with the leading men of his kingdom. At the conclusion of seven days of feasting, the king called Queen Vashti to appear before him. We are told this was “in order to display her beauty to the people and nobles, for she was lovely to look at” (Esther 1:11). However, Queen Vashti refused to come before the king and his men; “then the king became furious and burned with anger” (verse 12).

The text itself does not clearly address why Vashti refused to appear. A variety of theories have emerged. According to Esther 1:11, Queen Vashti was told to appear “wearing her royal crown,” and one rabbinical tradition interprets this as the king’s instruction to wear only her royal crown—in other words, she was told to appear in the nude. According to that tradition, Queen Vashti refused because she did not want to be put on display before a group of salacious, drunken men. This view is not found in the biblical text, nor can it be supported by history.

However, it is likely that Vashti refused to appear because she would have been humiliated in some way. The king and his men had been feasting and drinking for seven days. It is almost assured that they did not have noble intentions in calling her to the party. While nothing more specific is noted, the context—especially the reference to her beauty—indicates that her attendance at the feast was sought to entertain the men in some way.

Queen Vashti likely knew the potential consequences of refusing the king, but refuse she did. One of the king’s wise men, named Memucan, saw a dangerous precedent being set: “Queen Vashti has done wrong, not only against the king but also against all the nobles and the peoples of all the provinces of King Xerxes. For the queen’s conduct will become known to all the women, and so they will despise their husbands and say, ‘King Xerxes commanded Queen Vashti to be brought before him, but she would not come.’ This very day the Persian and Median women of the nobility who have heard about the queen’s conduct will respond to all the king’s nobles in the same way. There will be no end of disrespect and discord” (Esther 1:16–18). Such a bad example as Queen Vashti had set must be dealt with harshly, according to Memucan.

Xerxes agreed with his advisor’s appraisal, and the result was that Vashti was never again to come before the king. Her royal position as queen was to be given to another “who is better than she” (Esther 1:19). Queen Vashti’s removal from the throne opened a vacancy in the Persian kingdom. Chapter 1 thus sets the stage for the introduction of Esther, an unlikely candidate for queen, since she was an orphaned Jewess raised by a cousin.

However “unlikely” Esther may have been, God chose her to perform a great work in protecting the Jewish people from genocide. Still today, Jews around the world commemorate Esther and the deliverance she wrought with the Feast of Purim. Many scholars believe this is the same feast that was observed by Jesus in John 5:1.

Esther, NIV Application Commentary by Karen Jobes

Problem of Pain and Free Will

I too, like most Christians, often wondered about the problem of pain. It definitely is a tough topic of discussion. The fact that a book simply named "The Problem of Pain" has been in publication since 1940., courtesy of C. S. Lewis, speaks for itself.

I tried reading the text when I was a young college student. I highly doubt I fully understood the main points of interest, but one message that stuck with me was that the writer, nonetheless the cause, sought after God more so than before after the pains of life. Perhaps it is the reaction that should be focused upon, rather the reason.

I do not mean to elaborate on this specific issue, for I am a rudimentary scholar on it. However, one idea that I wanted to mention regarding said topic was that of free will.

Free will is indeed a marvelous gift that God has given mankind. We are no robots nor slaves before God, as God has promised such circumstances. The problem lies in that God respect this concept, and our individual actions are hindered not.

Perhaps, then, the tragedies in life that we experience is simply a culmination of everyone's choices of free will. It is not so much God's fault, but our individual failures.

Now, many would ask, "what about the interventions of God?" To such question, I honestly do not know how to respond. It is also a question of mine as well. Why does God bend the laws of nature to certain people? Why is not inclined to do so more?

Maybe I will learn someday, but for now, I do the best that I could to be careful of my everyday actions.

Potential, not Perfection

I think I can say with an honest heart that I have heard one of the most depressing sermons last Thursday. It was a sermon on Genesis. 

The text goes as follows: "The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it." Genesis 2:15 

The pastor stated that many people imagine Eden as perfection. While it is indeed perfect, it was not to say that development was unnecessary. God had Adam work the garden. Cultivation, farming, organizing and perhaps cooking was possible in His Garden. The pastor then extended this concept to all aspect of our lives: God gives potential, not perfection.

For the past years, all my prayers consisted of God's perfection. I sought after something that would be made, something that could be gotten as itself. Yet, God has always been giving potential, and it was my responsibility to work for it. All those years of praying seemed so meaningless. 

I had been praying for changes here in this school, for more passionate Christians, for excellent education, for loving doctors and for patients leaving fully healed. Yet, it had always been my responsibility to have worked for such heavenly states. 

I close this post my telling myself that it is my responsibility, for God has already given me all that I need. 

Kevin's Birthday

Happy birthday bro.
I hope you enjoy good life, 
find God in all aspects,
and live according to His words. 
Wherever you may be,
I will always pray for you. 

Precious Life

I think my biggest problem is that I do not find my life precious.
It's not to say that this dark feeling is constant, 
but emptiness runs deep within my soul, hopelessly searching for meaning.
The price of the cross, therefore, loses its magnificence and glory.
Maybe death seems too far away for it to compare upon the joy of life.
Or maybe I am too confident in God's promise for eternal life. 

Billy Elliot Quote

Mrs. Wilkinson: So, do we get the pleasure of your company next week?
Billy: It's just, I feel like a right sissy.
Mrs. Wilkinson: Well, don't act like one. 

- Billy Elliot, after having had lessons in ballet

Wordfill

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바람부는 날

하나님 안에서 시작한 연애를 좋게 끝맺었어도 힘든 것 중 하나는 가슴 뛰는 예배를 드렸을 때 버릇처럼 생각난다는 것이다. 이제야 두 달이 지났는데 미칠 듯이 그립거나 보고 싶진 않음에 하나님께 감사하다. 하지만 아직은 다른 누군가를 만나기엔 시간이 더 필요할 것 같다. 그녀에 대한 예의도 물론이요 스스로에게도 필요한 시간일 것 같기 때문이다. 아직은 좋은 찬양을 듣거나 책을 읽으면 스치는 생각으로 떠오르기 때문이다. 근황이 궁금한 것은 아마 꽤 오래 갈 것 같지만 그 때까지는 하나님만 찾으려한다. 함께했던 시간 가운데 하나님께서 알려주시기 원했던 것들이 무엇이었는지, 앞으로의 삶은 어디로 향해가는 것이 좋을지, 하나하나 듣고 싶다. 오늘자 한마디는 필요 이상으로 솔직했던 것 같다. 끝

Superman

We all superman, heroes underneath
Think about the countless nights you ran,
away from your terrors, hiding beneath
Cornered, in fear, you close your eyes
and that damned knife pierces the soul
Wasted you lie, a zombie, a slave
But if you turn, fight, shout out your tremors,
you'll quickly realize, one swift blow
will knock out all that stands in your path
So remember who you are, Superman inside
Just waiting to be awakened