대비 애커먼의 [가장 힘든 일 기다림] 에서

"당신이 하나님에게 받은 약속과 관련해 기다림의 시간표를 생각하고 있다면 당신이 혼자 기다리지 않도록 하나님께서 당신을 위해 보내신 친구의 얼굴이 떠오를지도 모른다. 다윗에게도 그런 친구가 있었다. 한때 그가 수금을 타며 사울 왕의 마음을 위로하고 있을 때 왕은 그를 사랑했다. 그러다가 사울에게 다윗은 질투와 증오의 대상으로 바뀌었다.

이 시간표에 따라 사울이 다윗을 죽이려 할 때 하나님께서는 그의 고통스런 마음을 함께 나눌 친구를 주셨다. 다윗에게 사울의 아들인 요나단은 형제보다도 더 가까운, 마음을 주고 받는 친구였다. 이 우정은 다윗가 하나님의 관계에도 힘을 더했다."

[가장 힘든 일 기다림] - 데비 애커먼

Some Words

Kiss the king
A joyful smile
Holy in everything
The accepting grace
Your loving embrace
Silent spiritual revolution

Public Confrontation

Here is my public announcement to you, an insult to all that you are.
You said I was always PMSing, like a little girl.
Well, in this day and age, that is a ridiculously sexist comment,
not to mention plain outright rude.
How about you try to understand others? Not everyone is the same as you.
Maturity is what allows people to accept each other through the differences.
You said stop being so sensitive.
Well, I'm sorry I wasn't constantly showered with love to have a great personality.
If you were such a good fellow, I wonder why you weren't so nice.
You said stop acting like a girlfriend.
Well, I believe brotherhood is another form of love.
If you weren't so homophobic, maybe you would know how to hug a brother.
I never asked for all the small details of your life anyways.
All I asked for was an occasional hello. 
You said you were busy from having gotten married.
I have plenty of friends who are married, but still manage to keep in touch very well.
You said it was mighty hard to raise a child.
Still to this day, you get money from your parents, so don't talk about hardship.
You lived one of the easiest lives, so don't judge people from your pedestal.
Hey, listen, though, I don't hate you anymore.
It was just sad to realize that I held you to a greater degree in my life,
while you simply labeled me a friend but considered me just a little greater than trash.
At this point, all I wanted was a small apology, even via text,
but you were too much of a prick to admit you were in the wrong. 
In conclusion, I hope I don't ever have to see you,
but I'll be the bigger man and pray for you.
Fuck you and have a nice day. 

Short Stop Before Eternity

Did I request thee, Maker, from my clay
To mould me Man, did I solicit thee
From darkness to promote me?
Paradise Lost - John Milton

It is said trauma can be repressed, but it cannot be erased. You can very well take out a nail, but the hole still remains. As mistakes accumulate the heart becomes heavy, paralyzing any thoughts of activeness. It is these precise moments that humbles me, and pulls me closer towards God. You would think repetitive wrongdoings can ultimately be fixed. Perhaps my frame of time is too short. Maybe that is why God takes us through eternity to be with Him. Even still, it would be great to see change happen within this short stop before eternity. 

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." A Farewell to Arms - Ernest Hemingway

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