Friday, January 31, 2014

Collab: Reclaim, Part 4

[GrasDeo] 
Man, what is this bullshit livin’ you call life
More like a strife, to go against the holy God, just move yo’ fat bod’
All them excuses, makin’ me seek Confucius
All the while having all the answers to yo millions questions
So I'll keep my mouth shut one more day ‘cuz this is all I’ll say

[ReClaim]
Damn, man, we were outcasts, but cool as hell.
We used to grill chills, make feels, ‘cuz we the real deals.

[GrasDeo]  
Yo, you got this

[ReClaim]
Let loose that yo-yo.
Why you so tense yo.
Let it spin, let it drop, let it flow.

[GrasDeo] 
Uh, let it flow bro
keep it comin’

[ReClaim]
Maaan, don't call me bro.
You chose your ho over yo’ bro.
Don't give me hypocrisy, creating chaos, makin’ me dizzy
Man, but I feel you. It’s your life that’s killin’ you, cuz life ain’t that easy
‘Cuz you got all them girls in your memory box.
Feelings of nostalgia creepin’ up like memories of chicken pox.
A love virgin. pure as gold, but now your corrupted.
Cuz of you, all them girls' loves were erupted.
You're a mantle collision
No, like a mental collision

[GrasDeo] 
Why u be dissin’ yo own kind
I'm part of yo mind, even a little body and soul
I can always use a good bro here in the cold dark city of seoul
My searchlight is fading, all i got is this dinky flashlight ‘cuz what can I ask right?
Man I'm trying to change my sour attitude into gratitude
Give me some love bro, All I got is time

Memories in a Box

Somewhere in my life, I started keeping all the letters and gifts in a little shoebox. Soon, the box grew to be more than just cardboard, something of a treasure. 

My sour attitude into gratitude
Letters to words, words to letters
Lets me know who I had been, who I can become
What was in the ark you ask?
Reminders, of who you are, of who He is
I wanted to keep this blog picture free, as I felt I would be able to do too much once pictures were options. Hopefully, one will be just enough. 


Thursday, January 30, 2014

Moonlight, Gracelight

For about ten minutes, heaven was opened in a little house on top of a mountain. Sins that seemed to have soiled me were so petty, dust at best. I am hoping all my families will come together one day, soon in the near future.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

From "Making Godly Decisions"

     히브리 문화의 영향 아래 놓여 있던 초대교회의 교인들, 즉 그리스 문화의 영향을 받기 이전의 초대교회 교인들은 '순종'으로 지혜를 얻었다. 히브리인들은 하나님의 뜻을 알고 행하는 것으로 지혜를 얻을 수 있다는 것, 그리고 하나님의 뜻이 인간의 논리와 종종 일치하지 않다는 것을 잘 알고 있었다.
여호와를 경외함이 지혜의 근본이라
그의 계명을 지키는 자는
다 휼륭한 지각을 가진 자이니
여호와를 찬양함이 영원히 계속되리로다
시편 111:10
     그러나 교회가 소크라테스나 아리스토텔레스 같은 학자들의 영향으로 그리스 문화와 접촉하면서 '지식'에 기초한 그리스적인 방식이 '순종'에 기초한 히브리적인 방식보다 교회의 교육과 생활에 더 큰 영향을 끼치게 되었다.
     아래의 표는 성경의 지식을 배우고 적용하는 히브리적인 방식과 그리스적인 방식의 차이를 나타낸 것이다.
히브리적인 방식 - 그리스적인 방식
인간의 마음에 호소함 - 인간의 지성에 호소함
과정을 중요시함 - 프로그램을 중요시함
순종을 우선시함 - 정보를 우선시함
하나님과의 관계를 강조함 - 집단 통제를 강조함
사랑에서 나온 순수함을 강조함 - 행동에 기초한 봉사를 강조함
성숙한 신자를 만듦 - 피상적인 신자를 만듦
     그리스 사람들은 지식을 얻을 수 있는 길이 이성과 분석에 바탕을 두고 있다고 믿었다. 그 결과, 교회는 수세기를 거치면서 순종하는 마음으로 하나님의 뜻을 따르기보다는 지식에 기초한 방식이나 프로그램으로 일을 하게 되었다.
     그렇다면 하나님꼐서는 우리에게 어떤 것을 바라실까? 하나님께서는 우리가 인생의 갈림길에서 결정하게 될 때, 히브리적 방식을 따라 결정하기를 바라신다. 하나님께서는 하나님을 따르고자 하는 진실한 마음으로 모든 일을 결정하기를 바라신다. 이는 곧 우리가 하나님의 뜻에 대한 순종에 기초하여 결정해야 한다는 것과 하나님의 뜻이 인간의 논리와 일치하지 않는 경우가 종종 있다는 것을 의미한다
결정의 책 - 오스 힐먼

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Restored

Life is not as serious as I make it to be.
Life is not as difficult as I feel it to be.
Life is not as sad as I see it to be.

Medicine for the body
Laughter for the mind
Jesus for the spirit

And with such words, I say hello to another year.
I think I am ready for another.

On Sheep

Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”
Then Jesus told them this parable: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.
Luke 15:1-7
Now when you and I hear that we are sheep and he is shepherd, it just makes us feel warm, fuzzy, gauzy. And we think of fluffy little lambs, and green pastures and still waters. But you need to know that when the Bible calls Him the great shepherd and us, sheep, it is a very important and very well meant spiritual insult. It’s an insult. Here [are] the words of a pastor who before he went into the ministry was a shepherd. Here is what he says, He understands what it means. He says a sheep is a stupid animal. It loses its directions continually in a way that a cat or dog never does. And even when you find a lost sheep, the lost sheep rushes to and fro, and will not follow you home. So when you find it, you must cease it, throw it to the ground, tie its forelegs and hind legs together, put it over your shoulders and carry it home. That’s the only way to save lost sheep.
Excerpt from “He Welcomes Sinners,” a sermon by 
Dr. Timothy Keller on Luke 15:1-10, September 28, 2008

I highly encourage you to listen to this sermon. This was the first sermon by Tim Keller that I have heard, and I have to say that I was met with grace of Jesus again. 

Friday, January 24, 2014

Give My Life

그러므로 형제들아 내가 하나님의 모든 자비하심으로 너희를 권하노니 너희 몸을 하나님이 기뻐하시는 거룩한 제물로 드리라 이는 너희가 드릴 영적 예배니라” 로마서 12:1

삶을 드리리. 과연 무슨 뜻일까?
, 음식, 물건, 살아가는데 필수적이라고 생각하는?
시간, 인간에게 제한된 
내어 드리는 것이 아닐까.
어디를 가서 무엇을 하는 보다 
중요할 수도 있는

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Back to 5th Grade

I started to daydream again. My eyes do not see as clearly as before, the world. I started to hold onto worthless matters more. I began to hope for what cannot be done, like going back in time. 

What if I had a simple life, a life just like anyone else?

A thought then grasped my mind. I looked back when I was 11, the childhood sweetheart of mine handing me a love letter. I ruin it with my water gun, laughing with my friends, but on inside, aching.

As the years went by, she started to hang out with the “wrong” crew, acting out more, destructive behaviors. I heard her relationship with her parents was not the most peaceful. I remember she dyed her hair completely yellow, a sure sign of rebellion back in old Korea. She seemed to do poorly in school progressively. I soon left for the US, and quickly lost touch with her.

I heard she was a dealer at some casino now. Nothing wrong with dealing some cards, but I was hoping she would work during the day, sleep during the night. I was hoping she would be in a brightly lit room, always with a big smile on her face, happy. Maybe she is already. I would never know.

Had I been more courageous, had I been more mature, would our lives have changed?

We could have been together. We would have studied together. We would have gone everywhere, holding hands. We could have been the class couple. I could have given her love and stability. I could have shown her all that was wonderful and beautiful. I may never have left for America. I may have had trouble getting into a good college, but we would have been together. We would go through tough times staying as one in college, but we would have managed. We would stroll along the park, maybe even with a small picnic basket. We would drive off to the ocean side late at night, out of sheer impulse. We would wake up together in the same bed. We would have had kids, though the house may have been a bit small for all of us. I would have fallen asleep looking at her, smiling, excited to see her again the next day. I would have listened to music completely different from what I am listening to now. Saturdays would have been lazy, perhaps even Sundays. I could have been a family man, always with the children.

Such foolishness.

At the end of my time travel, I see that it is only a victim mentality, simply my scars that I have held onto. I come to a complete stop in front of God. I know that He can send me back in time. Sometimes I even feel like He genuinely asks if it is really what I want. In the end, however, I do not think I really want to go back. All the wonders that He has shown me up until now are not to be treated lightly. Plans for me, the calling that I would need to answer to is still ahead. I try harder and harder to focus on what is in front of me.

"If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all." Isaiah 7:9b

The Bible is indeed still being written in God's sight. Where shall I stand?

Monday, January 20, 2014

Parent Special

Mama Song - 헤리티지
정류장 - 패닉
아버지 - 싸이
어머님께 - 지오디

Rosso/Blu

나의 광장.
예전에 그렇게 부르며 사랑하던 여인이 있었다. 세상에 녹아들지 못하고 혼자 떠돌며 살아가던 내게 있어 그녀는, 막다른 골목길에서 갑자기 나타난 도시의 광장처럼 시원스런 존재였다. 별다른 용건도 없이 나는 시간이 남아도는 노인처럼 매일 그곳을 찾아갔다.

<Blu> 中
두오모에 올라가본 경험이 있어서 그런지, 지금 마음의 공허함이 커서인지 모르겠지만 나의 마음은 사로잡혔다. 누나가 이 이야기를 그렇게 좋아했던 이유를 알 것 같다. 냉정하게 하루를 살아가면서도 가슴 속 깊은 곳에 자리 잡은 외로움. 지금 어디서 무얼 하는지 모르겠지만 누나의 마음을 가득 채워줄 그런 사랑하고 있길.

이건 다른 얘기지만 너에게 하고 싶은 말이 하나 있어. 이제 정말 마지막이야. 그나마 있던 추억도 흐릿해지니 다시는 보고 싶다는 생각 들지 않을 것 같아. 안녕

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Snowing

Dark corridors, closed doors.
It is so ever highlighted to my mind,
perhaps since I had been in deep waters?
Each step leads towards the unknown,
only to be greeted by a bright darkness.
The kind that looms over, yet beautiful.
It is dark only in the sense that it is comparatively dark.
Precious stones that fall gently,
each intricately made by the finest of kind.
My heart races all the more,
ecstatic, overfilled with such child-like attitude.
Magnificent, awe-inspiring.
I wonder if it would have been better
if you had been by my side?
Snow falls still, as I wait a day more

When Rain

비오는 거리 - 이승훈
비오는 압구정 - 브라운아이즈
빗소리 - 윤하
비와 당신 - 박중훈
비처럼 음악처럼 - 김현식
사랑비 - 김태우
빗속에서 - 이문세

Saturday, January 18, 2014

On the Golden Calf

“When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, ‘Come, make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses, who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.’” Exodus 32:1

After having seen such miracles, all the terror God has brought upon the Egyptians, why were the Israelites so quick to turn from God? Perhaps they never took Yahweh as their own savior. Dare to say that none recognized that they too could become adopted children. God was just a god of Moses to their eyes. Just over a month was enough to lose faith in Moses, for they sought Moses, rather than God. Without Moses, the Israelites never thought the Lord would continue on to lead them, for Yahweh was still a God of Moses to their sight. 

Friday, January 17, 2014

His Unchanging

Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, "May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them."
Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. "I have had enough, LORD," he said. "Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors." Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.
All at once an angel touched him and said, "Get up and eat." He looked over around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.
The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, "Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you." So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. There he went into a cave and spent the night.

And the word of the LORD came to him: "What are you doing here, Elijah?"
He replied, "I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too."
The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"
He replied, "I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too."
The LORD said to him, "Go back the way you came, and go to the Desert of Damascus. When you get there, anoint Hazael king over Aram. Also, anoint Jehu son of Nimshi king over Israel, and anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from Abel Meholah to succeed you as prophet. Jehu will put to death any who escape the sword of Hazael, and Elisha will put to death any who escape the sword of Jehu. Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel - all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him."
1 Kings 19:1-18
I am brought back to this passage, the passage that I held dearly, letting me know that God is here. Once a friend told me my greatest virtue was consistency, withstanding the rigors of time, unchanged throughout. My faith in the Lord shall be so, ever again. 

Reflection on Strangers

솔직히 잘한 거 하나도 없는데
하나님께서 계속 돌봐주신다, 챙겨주신다
같이간 친구들, 호텔사람들, 길가는 행인
심지어 버스를 같이 탄 사람들까지도

"오호라 나는 곤고한 사람이로다 이 사망의 몸에서 누가 나를 건져내랴" 로마서 7:24

"예수는 영원히 계시므로 그 제사장 직분도 갈리지 아니하느니라 그러므로 자기를 힘입어 하나님께 나아가는 자들을 온전히 구원하실 수 있으니 이는 그가 항상 살아 계셔서 그들을 위하여 간구하심이라" 히브리서 7:24-25

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Song of a Simple Life

Forget the flashing lights
Real stars shine the brightest in darkness
That of which covers the iniquities of us all

Dusty Roads, A Bus Stop

지저분한 모습으로도 
해 뜨는 것을 기다리는
마치 하나님의 오심을 기다리는
그런 새벽의 버스 정류장

Short Trip to the Philippines

I am hoping this post will not be too long, but I have to admit that two weeks is a lot of time. Lots have happened, yet, nothing was out of the ordinary. After acting as an amateur guide around Seoul for nearly three days, my friends and I took a plane to the Philippines on the first day of 2014. I had barely prayed about this trip, so I was a bit hesitant to jump on board. Then again, I really had not been praying much, ever since summer break was over at the least.

Because of the serious disaster that occurred in the region, my parents were worried about me going. My friend did make some changes, so we were actually nowhere near the site of destruction. Most of my friends thought I was going there as a mission trip or as volunteer service, but the truth is that I was too lazy to find a project group.

The three of us landed in Manila around midnight. Since the whole trip was built around the notion of poor kids traveling, we spent the night sleeping in a remote area in the airport. As much as it was exciting to be adventurous, I got cold quickly with regrets growing slowly inside. We took another plane to Tuguegarao. It took an hour, but it was enough time to change the environment completely. Tuguegarao was indeed a developing town, mostly a place known to be the center of transportation. It seemed like the hub to get to other regions of the country. More time was spent on transportation. After a four hour crunched up in a little van filled with too many people, we arrived in Santa Ana, still yet another town young at its technological pollutions.

The sky was indeed blue and the ocean, endless. As much as it was difficult to get there, being surrounded by nature really helped me get back in the right mind. Nature was big. God was big. My world was small. I was small. I would not say I found my humility again, but I certainly had time to reflect on it.

Santa Ana had many scrappy people. The market was small and quiet, yet bustling with energy. We stayed at a neat resort, and we were able to kayak a bit into quiet, peaceful waters. We also hiked to a lighthouse in an island, while getting in some snorkeling time as well. A trip to the aborigine village and a little adventure into the woods was also part of the itinerary. At the end of our days in Santa Ana, we were fortunate enough to sit around the chat with the resort owner. He would tell us about the country, the people, and their culture along with the history. Meeting good people certainly was a running theme in this trip. Most of the people we met were eager to help.

A little side note: My friends who were white got a lot of attention from the locals. I, on the other hand, was trying to blend in as best as possible. I even let my bear grow. Whether or not it was the beard or just that Koreans were more common in the Philippines, I certainly got less attention as the days went on.

We traveled on to Tabuk, Bantoc and Banaue via bus. It is marvelous how the scenery can change so quickly. At one hour we were in a bustling city. The next hour would lead us into a seaside village, while another would have us in the middle of mountains with houses built on the edge. Traveling about in Batad was truly dangerous. I had not thought about it when I had gotten there, but after having sprained my ankle, I quickly saw how it could only get worse from there. Steep rice terraces were only connected by tiny rocks protruding from the walls. With each morning dewdrop, the steps would turn slippery, not to mention mud covering half the way.

Though nature was at its finest there, I had trouble sleeping yet again. The huts we stayed in had such strong mold odor, and the walls did little to keep the cold mountain air out at night. A little fire helped bring the heat up, but the smoke would soon amass in the hut, forcing us to open the window soon. I am certain that I enjoyed my time in the Philippines, despite my seemingly negative whining in the writings, but most of the memories would be built on the tough times I had, allowing me to feel stronger about myself having gone through the rigors of nature.

There could be so much more that could be said, but my final comment would be this. It was fascinating to see Bible verses written on public, governmental boards. Christian music would be playing at the most random places, while churches were always in sight. Though I had not planned it, the trip certainly was a vision trip in many aspects. I was able to get a sense of how life would be if I were a missionary in a tropical region. Perhaps a quiet, simple life would be possible, but I could not picture myself in such a place. North Korea was still in sight. These people here had God engraved in their hearts. At the least there culture was deep within the Christian grasp. They had no need of me. Though I have no confidence in what I say here, again, as I am desperately lacking in prayer, but I had strong feelings leaning towards North Korea. Who else but us, fellow Koreans?

Hopefully, the trip was led on by God, despite my lack of love. Hopefully, I had not wasted my time in the Philippines, for all is meaningless without Him, while all is meaningful with Him. 

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

First Post of 2014

Two friends of mine came to visit. We were to go on a trip to the Philippines together, and since the lay over flight was through Seoul, they decided to stop by for a couple of days before leaving together. I had hoped to be at church on the night of New Year's Eve, but my friends were not interested. I spent my first times of 2014 in a Korean barbecue restaurant. I know it is the 15th of January already, but I was hoping to start the new year now. New resolutions, old resolutions, whatever convictions I had, I wish to start them now. To regain what I had once lost is my primary goal of this year, mainly to be close to God evermore.