Excerpt from "You and Me Forever"

"Because really, what good is a 'believer' who doesn't trust God? What good is a 'follower' of Christ who doesn't follow Christ?" - Francis Chan, You and Me FOREVER

Some of God's Promises

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

"Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand." John 10:27-28

Every supplies, money, life, eternity; all promised for those who love Him. 

Confession at Work

Here is a confession I probably should not make online, but here goes:

I had left work 30 minutes early yesterday, and I missed an emergency. 

Though nothing can justify my actions, here is my sorry excuse: Having been stationed in one of the most rural branches of the public health center, there are no conveniences within at least a 10 kilometer radius. Just going to the city takes nearly 40 minutes of driving. Naturally, I promised myself that I would drive downtown only twice a week, though it may be a bit suffocating. 

Starting this week, I took Monday off from driving, stayed home and worked out. Tuesday, I went to the city to play soccer with the rest of the doctors for nearly 3 hours. It was pretty late and since there were no stores open, let alone any stores to be honest, I had to stuff down my desire for an ice cold cola. 

Yesterday, the monthly seminar was scheduled at the other side of the city. Feeling pretty tired myself, I decided to skip the seminar and stay home. Plus, I wanted to head downtown on Thursday for my jiu jitsu lessons, but the problem was that I could not quench my thirst for that cola. Since the drive to the convenience store was not as far as driving to the city, I excused myself from work 30 minutes early to head there. Honestly, I could have left after 6, but I just felt too stuffy to stay another minute at the branch center. 

It took about ten minutes to get to the store, and as I was filling my desires for the sweets, I noticed a missed call. It was from the branch, and a certain nervousness hit my heart. With a few phone calls, I learned that one of the townsmen had dropped still while sitting in the bathroom. It was an emergency, and I had not been there to help out. 

From the few symptoms gathered, normal blood pressure, normal body temperature, history of having worked in the sun for hours and dropping still from the toilet gave the impression of a cerebral hemorrhage, probably subarachnoid hemorrhage. With such an impression, there probably was nothing more I could have done, but to have the patient sent to the nearest hospital that could perform an emergency operation. Had I still been at my desk, I could have probably called the ambulance a minute earlier than when they had made the call. 

As words of comfort, there probably was nothing more I could have done had I stayed, but I could not shake off the feeling of guilt and responsibility. I had been placed here for the general health of the townspeople. It was my responsibility to respond to such an emergency, though perhaps only from 9 to 6, though very ill-equipped. 

The little decisions in life truly seemed to carry big consequences. Perhaps it can make a mark in my heart as a wake-up call for diligence as a doctor. 

Cloud Atlas Quote

"I had been there before, another lifetime ago." Cloud Atlas (2012)

Memory Box of Past

Consider a box. 
Big, small, cardboard or wrapped.
Whatever that can contain all that had brought joy.
A lost and found that crosses through the past,
even ephemeral memories and moments,
childhood sweethearts, dreams of fame, 
that favorite blanket, the worn out teddy bear,
your first car, the winning goal, 
graduations and achievements,
friends, family and love.

Though for a minute, perhaps hours,
you may find it interesting, nay, fascinating.
Attaching to it for days on, weeks and months,
however, may not be the healthy way,
for the box will hold no future.
It may seem as if your glory had passed,
the best not yet come may be nowhere in sight.

The moment you turn from that box, close it tight,
the little key once plunged deep into the lock
will shine in your hands, written upon it saying, "hope"

Thoughts on Malachi

A prophecy: The word of the Lord to Israel through Malachi.
“I have loved you,” says the Lord. “But you ask, ‘How have you loved us?’
“Was not Esau Jacob’s brother?” declares the Lord. 

“Yet I have loved Jacob, but Esau I have hated, and I have turned his hill country into a wasteland and left his inheritance to the desert jackals.” 

Malachi 1:1-3

There are speculations about the difference between Jacob and Esau in the eyes of the LORD. Was it their attitude? Was it their faith? Was it the inner spirit that no one but God could see? 

Whatever the difference was, however, could it really have been that big for God to have made otherwise? Could he not have made Esau a man of faith, a man whom God would have delighted in? 

In a sense, God simply loved Jacob, chose him to be the one blessed by God. It just as well could have been to Esau. 

The life that I live, all the blessings, the joys, and the comforts, it just as well could have been to someone else. How can I say that I do not feel his love?

Rejoice in the LORD

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice." Philippians 4:4

"And again it is said, 'Rejoice, O Gentiles, with his people.'" Romans 15:10

"Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!" Psalm 32:11

“Rejoice with him, O heavens; bow down to him, all gods, for he avenges the blood of his children and takes vengeance on his adversaries. He repays those who hate him and cleanses his people's land.” Deuteronomy 32:43

First Roadkill

I started life as a public health doctor in Chuncheon. This will last for three years as substitute to the mandatory military service all men of South Korea need to serve. As I live in Seoul, getting stationed in Chuncheon was probably one of the best options. Chuncheon has quite a few public health doctors stationed since it is one of the bigger cities. Naturally, being the new guy, I was selected to work in a public health center branch office located nearly 40 minutes away from downtown. Lots of winding roads and mountain sides keep me company as I drive to and fro home during the weekends. I try not to drive downtown too much during the weekdays, but every now and then, I head out to play basketball or learn jiu jitsu. 

I was heading home late one night. Headlights were the only source of vision I had. Suddenly, I saw a tiny rabbit dash across the road in front of me. My immediate reaction was to slow down and assumed it safe for the rabbit to cross without harm. The problem was that there was another rabbit tailing. By the time both were out of my sight, below the car, I heard a gentle "crunch." I guess I should have stopped altogether, but to my defense, the rabbit was the size roughly of my fist. In addition, I genuinely was surprised. 

In that brief second I debated if I should stop the car in the middle of the road to see what had happened, but I realized it would be more dangerous to actually do so as there could be cars coming behind. To tell you the truth, I was a bit scared too. I wondered if there would be any remains left in the wheel, spots of blood perhaps (I did check the back wheel; there were no remains). I got home quickly with a sense of bitterness of mind. I thought about the countless times I had killed tiny bugs without the slightest sense of grief. I wondered why it was that I felt so bad. Was it because a rabbit was bigger in size with added loads of cuteness? If I had felt so bad killing off a tiny wildlife, how bad must have the war veterans felt? PTSD jumped right out of the textbook and into my life. 

As I laid in bed, I felt like the spirit of the animal whirled around and in front of me. It could have been the summer weather that kept me up for a couple of hours that night. It could have been my guilt. 

The next day, I drove by the road again and saw a few remains of the animal. It was sort of a closure for me. I had not had nightmares for it, but it definitely left a mark in my mind. I was faint of heart. I still was too young. I still needed to learn a lot more. 

Aedh Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven by W.B. Yeats

Aedh Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven by W.B. Yeats

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths, 

Enwrought with golden and silver light, 

The blue and the dim and the dark cloths 

Of night and light and the half light, 

I would spread the cloths under your feet: 

But I, being poor, have only my dreams; 

I have spread my dreams under your feet; 

Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.