Awake O Jesus

“On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, ‘Let us go across to the other side.” And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. And other boats were with him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, ‘Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?’ And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, ‘Peace! Be still!’ And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. He said to them, ‘Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?’ And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, ‘Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?’” Mark 4:35-41

Wake Jesus up in your life and have His living word spoken.

What makes a good leader?

I had some time to think about the characteristics of a good leader.

A good leader should have a vision for the future. Though the future will never be quite the same as expected, he should have a strong foundation of what should be accomplished.

A good leader should have the skills to listen. Many will join the leader in lieu of shared vision. The leader needs to know how to listen well, while maintaining good sense in recognizing actual problems and advice to leaving complaints and slander.

A good leader needs to know how to lead on. There will be a lot of barriers and hardship along the way, but the leader needs to be able to cruise on through, or even crawl on all fours to get to the destination.

A good leader needs to care for others. Not everyone will be able to follow, or even keep up. There will be people joining midway, while some may even jump ship. The leader needs to care for those that are staggering, while being able to say goodbye without tension.

Lonesome Fear

I realized that I have a fear of being left behind, of being left alone. So, I always chose to leave first. Looking back, such fear had me lose precious relationships. I am now all alone, left to think about whether I will ever find someone to love for eternity, at least until each other’s deaths. Fear does indeed paralyze. If you are in that situation, take that extra step. Open your heart up for disaster, for if love responds, you shall live happily forever. Even if love goes unrequited, God will make it anew.  

From "These Strange Ashes" by Elisabeth Elliot

From These Strange Ashes by Elisabeth Elliot

(Commonly referred to as the “The Rock Parable” Keep in mind, this is completely fictional. It is not in the Bible. :P)

One day Jesus said to his disciples: “I’d like you to carry a stone for me.” He didn’t give any explanation. So the disciples looked around for a stone to carry, and Peter, being the practical sort, sought out the smallest stone he could possibly find. After all, Jesus didn’t give any regulation for weight and size! So he put it in his pocket.  Jesus then said: “Follow Me.” He led them on a journey. About noontime Jesus had everyone sit down. He waved his hands and all the stones turned to bread. He said, “Now it’s time for lunch.” In a few seconds, Peter’s lunch was over.  When lunch was done Jesus told them to stand up. He said again, “I’d like you to carry a stone for me.” This time Peter said, “Aha! Now I get it!” So he looked around and saw a small boulder. He hoisted it on his back and it was painful, it made him stagger. But he said, “I can’t wait for supper.” Jesus then said: “Follow Me.” He led them on a journey, with Peter barely being able to keep up. Around supper time Jesus led them to the side of a river. He said, “Now everyone throw your stones into the water.” They did. Then he said, “Follow Me,” and began to walk. Peter and the others looked at him dumbfounded.  Jesus sighed and said, “Don’t you remember what I asked you to do?  Who were you carrying the stone for?”

(Cute video adaptation online! https://vimeo.com/86833849)

I came upon this story while listening to a sermon by Tim Keller. The message was about the parable of the narrow and wide gates in Matthew 7. Although there are many explanations on the parable, Tim Keller had explained that the wide gate, unlike popular opinions, is not living an evil life. Rather, the wide gate was about living not for God. Naturally, the narrow gate would be a life devoted wholly to God.

How are you living your life?

그 때의 나, 지금의 나

그녀의 결혼식이었다. 물론 초대는 받지 못했다. 사귄 적도 없다고 할 수 있겠지만 기억에 남을 만큼의 감정은 오갔던 것이 확실하다. 간절히 보고 싶은 것도 아니고 깊은 상처를 받은 적도 없어서 그녀가 밉지는 않다. 사실 관계를 정리한 것은 스스로인 것을 잘 알기 때문이다. 하지만 안타까운 것이 있다면 지금의 내가 알게 된 것들을 그 때의 내가 알았다면 아마 삶이 많이 달라져있을 것이라는 사실이다.

마음을 평안하게 해주는 이해심, 미래에 대한 생각과 가족을 꾸려갈 계획, 인자한 인품과 따스한 온유함, 그리고 무엇보다 깊은 사랑의 마음이 그 어느 것 보다 소중하다는 것을 그 때부터 알고 있었더라면 아마 진정한 사랑과 비슷한 것을 하며 살고 있었을 것 같다. 하지만 그렇다고 자책을 하거나 스스로를 질책하지는 않는다. 배우게 된 그 모든 것들은 시간이 지나서 스스로 겪어야 배울 수 있는 것들이었음을 잘 알고 있기 때문이다.

하지만 마음의 씁쓸함은 어쩔 수 없을 것 같다.

축하해.

The Flower Man

https://vimeo.com/16301164

Before the darkness of the world engulfs me
Let the light of the LORD that is within me shine forth

Spirit of God

How fragile we are,                how strong are we

shattering by light touch,       resilient to the core

broken to pieces,               just simple patchwork

blown to dust,                           quick to recover

fallen and laid bare,         shaking yet still standing

afraid of the dark,          seeking that shining light

of strange men lurking,      of brave men believing

each moment dreaded,       each moment blessing

Through it all comes a heart of gold

amidst the rubble, heap of rotting flesh

lies the spirit of diamond, glistening

within the moon and the stars

Finding that One

I realized that I am no longer at a young age. Still very much energetic and powerful, I am, however, learning what it means to age. No longer am I hungry for fame and glory. I do not daydream about being the world's greatest. This is not to say that I have lost hope and vision, but I came to see that having someone simply love you, for whatever you may be, is probably the single greatest achievement in life. 

자아성찰

발랄한 미국 청소년

풀이 죽은 의대생

버림 받을까 두려워 떠는 외톨이

순수한 기독교청년

놀고 싶어 날뛰는 광인

전도서를 너무 읽은 애늙은이

감수성 터지는 로맨티스트

허세 가득한 빈 수레

자책하는 완벽주의

투명유리 장착한 솔직남

Piercing Through

Two forty one. 
I wake up not knowing where I am.
The corners of the room close in, 
and the enormous waves of guilt rushes forward.
It was a dark night of my soul.
Memories of orphanage, 
being rejected way before learning love rushed in and out.
The days spent hurting and stealing knocked in full power.
Regrets, remorse took form as sin swamped over me.
Fear struck, and I fell to my knees trembling.

With my head down, I was then reminded of the light, the salvation,
the promise that pierced through my wasted brain, over dementia.
His presence shall be with me.
I closed my eyes, sinking deep into his embrace,
finding comfort once more, under his loving wings.