Church Dilemma

The dilemma of church going began to resurface. I fall miserably towards sin. The swamp engulfs me and I spend months and years wallowed in confusion and guilt. As I reach the doorsteps of the church, I meet with all kinds of people lifting me up, praising me for my passion for Christ. I know, however, the rotten heart, the broken fragments of what was once an intact conscience. No one really chooses to believe, though, what lies beneath. The hypocrisy constricts my soul, and I again hide into the shadows. O, how I long for the love of Christ. Away from the crowd, I hide into a corner of His house, desperately asking for a solution, a remedy, the cross. 

Psalm 139

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!

You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.

You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue,behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.

Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.

If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,”

even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!

If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.

Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God! O men of blood, depart from me!

They speak against you with malicious intent; your enemies take your name in vain.

Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?

I hate them with complete hatred; I count them my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!

And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!

John the Baptist

"And the child grew and became strong in spirit; and he lived in the wilderness until he appeared publicly to Israel." Luke 1:80

What does the wilderness have for the men of God?

Something Broke Inside

With a loud sound, something broke inside me, 
   but I knew not what, for dust and rust covered it all. 
I went to a repair shop, far along the road, 
   but the repairman scratched his head and sent me home.
I traveled along a different city, to my manufacturing factory,
   but the manager remained clueless and sent me away.
I journeyed distant lands, in hopes to find my maker,
   but he had me built ever so uniquely, there were no spare parts.
With that said, I knew not where to go,
   but I realized I needed not go anywhere. 
I learned to live the way I was, broken in places,
   but happy to have found a home, peace of love. 

Man of God

"But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses." 1 Timothy 6:11-12

"For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:6-7

I feel like I am at a saddle point between two peaks. I have just passed a difficult time in life, just waiting for another. I don't know how long it will last, mostly likely a couple of months or even up to three years.

In each period of such rest, God tends to allow me to focus more onto His callings. I'm sure He speaks always the same, just that I have more time to pay attention. 

I am to fight the good fight. I am to fan into flame. I am to be the man of God. 

Pouring Rain

"비가 쏟아진다고 집으로 가지 않아도 돼"

"없는 것들 세상에 천한 것들을 하나님이 더 기뻐 사용하시죠. 왜냐하면 하나님의 능력을 드러내시기가 더 편하니까. 저도 이제 하나님의 영광을 더 드러내기 편한 사람이 돼가는 거 아닌가 하는 생각도 들어요."

김태훈 선교사/에디오피아

서울 아산병원 소아외과 교수

파킨슨 병을 진단 받은 후, 그와의 인터뷰 

Verse of the Year: 2017

"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them." James 4:13-17