Chasing Freedom

Why are you feeling constantly chased?
Nobody is following. No one is shouting.
Everyone is walking their own journey,
glad to see another along the way.
The only judge is at the end of the road
with wide open arms, waiting to pour out love.
Please enjoy your life now.
All will be well in the embrace of the LORD

On Healing

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14

to humble myself, to pray, to seek his face, to turn from wicked ways

He will hear from heaven and forgive my sins, and heal my land, my life. 

Only Three Times

"Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." Luke 22:31-32

"Peter replied, 'Man, I don’t know what you’re talking about!' Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed. The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: 'Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times.' And he went outside and wept bitterly." Luke 22:60-62

Jesus, before getting arrested, told Simon Peter what was to come. Jesus predicted that Peter would deny him three times before the rooster crowed. Before that, however, Jesus said to Peter that he prayed for him. The demand of Satan was to be carried on. 

For the longest time, the words of Jesus was criticism to me. It seemed like Jesus was already chiding Peter for his lack of faith.

But the words of Jesus were never filled with scolding. It was a loving encouragement. Despite the demands of Satan, Peter would only deny him three times. Though it could have been more, though it could have been a falling out, though it could have cost his lifetime of faith, Jesus prayed for Simon Peter so that he could turn back. 

Last Night in Buksan

A year has passed already. It seemed like time here would never end. Days and weeks sure felt faster as I grew older. Trees among the mountains changed from green to orange, white to green yet again. All the hours spent driving from here to there seemed to be mashed together in my head. 

I remember the lonely rides back into the countryside late at night. I remember speeding so much in hopes that I might crash and die instantly. I remember seeing lots of elk roaming around, gently hiding back into the bushes as I approached closer. I remember the day I squashed a little rabbit with my car. It was an accident, of course, but I felt like the spirit of the rabbit hovered over me throughout my sleep. I remember seeing the cherry blossoms blooming in its full magnificence, shedding tears onto the roads. I remember driving up a slippery slope, only to see a grand view of the lake and its mountains. I remember driving all around the province of Gangwon, hours to and fro. I remember driving to Gangneung to work as a medical team member in the Pyeonchang Olympics. I remember the snowplow making way for me into the health center, so that I could stay home and cook wings upon a grill outside below the spring snow. I remember driving back home after sweeping the national tournament of public health doctor basketball league with Chulwon and Chuncheon together as a team. I remember driving in the hard rain that seemed to wash away everything on the mountains. I remember playing the music so loud in the car, just to drown out my screams towards God for help. I remember driving in the quiet nights with stars shining ever so brightly. I remember listening to a sermon every drive home, trying to get closer to God and learn more about Him. I remember driving from one branch to another with joyous laughter spent with fellow doctors. I remember picking up good friends who came all the way here just to see me for only a couple of hours. I remember throwing up in the tunnels from having taken too much tramadol, desperately trying not to spill in the car seats. I remember calling my friend just to hear his voice for comfort. I remember driving back excited from having bought hamburgers, as there were no restaurants near the residence. I remember driving with one eye open after having I&D on a sty. I remember swiveling three times before making it safely back to Chuncheon. I remember the first time getting off. I will surely remember the last time driving away.  

All of this was so very unexpected, but I am thankful all together. Though another two years are left, I pray to God for a good year gone by. 

Passing Thoughts on 1 Samuel 22, 23

"All those who were in distress or in debt or discontented gathered around him, and he became their commander. About four hundred men were with him." 1 Samuel 22:2

Compared to the life that I live now, though I may not be God's beloved David, am I not surrounded by traitors, slanderers, and the discontented? Am I not one of them, if not, all in one? Should I not be trustful towards God and embrace all that have been gathered around me?


"When David was told, 'Look, the Philistines are fighting against Keilah and are looting the threshing floor,' he inquired of the LORD, saying, 'Shall I go and attack these Philistines?'" 1 Samuel 23:1

Although in distress, fleeing for their lives, David took it as a personal matter when the men of Keilah were being attacked by the Philistines. Though in trouble himself, he found the heart to help those that were in need as well. Should I not learn to do the same?

"And Saul's son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God." 1 Samuel 23:16

I wish to find a friend who shall encourage me in my walk with God. I wish to be a friend who encourages a friend in his walk with God. 

Throw Your Arms Around

"So he got up and went to his father. 'But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.'" Luke 15:20

Upon revisiting the passage, I thought about the father's reaction towards his son. I wondered if I ever have loved someone so passionately, despite the heart breaking actions. I wondered if it was just that I was not yet married, clueless to the changes upon raising a child. I wondered if it was precisely that I have never loved someone more than I have loved myself. 

It was a cold winter season. I hope my spring season comes along as well. 

Sunshine

Wesley got up bright and early. Not so the sky, however, for it was still dark outside. He was lucky to have gotten an early morning job delivering fruit and salad to customers. It was a start-up company that made sales only online. His friend told Wesley about it, and Wesley was now about 3 months into the job. He was able to finish the deliveries in about two hours, starting at 4 AM. 

It was not the typical life young adults dream about, but Wesley needed all the money he could make. That was why he started at 4 AM, moving onto construction work during the day. After 6 PM, he would make it as fast as he could to the local pizza parlor. People in the neighborhood tipped well, though it was pretty dangerous driving so late and tired. 

The day started like any other day for Wesley. It was supposed to be a cloudy day, however, with a high chance of rain. As soon as the alarm started blaring, Wesley shut it off in an orderly fashion. With a big yawn, he got up out of the bed, into the bathroom. After a quick teeth brushing and a splash of water to his face, Wesley was already out. He was always the first one to the company. The trucks were already making their drops of fresh fruit and vegetables. Wesley would be the one to ride the newest of the bicycles. He wished he could make the deliveries by at least a scooter, but the company being a small start-up with a market slogan of environmental friendliness, a bicycle was the best they provided. 

A couple of new customers had signed up a few days ago. Wesley had planned new routes and they seemed to work out pretty well. As the sun rose minutes later with the seasons, it was darker than usual, especially with the clouds. Perhaps if Wesley had been a minute late, he could have seen the metal chains closing off the parking lot, where Wesley had made the turns to reach the last delivery point. 

With a loud clunk, Wesley flew out from the bicycle. FHe flew quite nicely, landing on all fours. His hands were bruised slightly, with a little scrapes. He was lucky not have broken any bones.  It was the bicycle that needed more attention, as the front wheel complete came off. He looked around for the bolt holding the wheels in place, but it was simply too dark and too small to find. 

He gathered as much of the bicycle as he could and ran to make the final stop. He was a a bit worried that the customer might find the products jumbled around from the crash, but he did not have time to worry about that at the moment.

The deliver company manager told him that he will think about what to do with the bill for repairing the bicycle. Wesley wished he could talk the manager out of having to pay for the bills, but he needed to move on to his next workplace. 

Wesley munched on a stale apple for breakfast. He was hoping the the holes in the apple were simply his imagination. Perhaps the apple was a bit rotten. Perhaps a worm could have taken a bite as well. He knew what he was buying though, nothing really surprised him. Older fruit were to be cheaper. 

The bus ride was never short, and though it could have been boring times, it was one of the few times when he could take a nap. This was possible because the bus driver would gently honk the horns when it was time for Wesley to get off. Wesley greeted the bus driver as usual while getting on the bus, and the driver responded with a simple nod. Eager to sit down and rest his head, he headed further into the bus. Today, however, the seats were all occupied, unreasonable for this time of day. 

Wesley was 5 minutes late, and as soon as the manager saw Wesley, he began to yell at Wesley. It was obvious the manager did not like Wesley. No one really knew why. Nonetheless, Wesley kept apologizing and rushed to his work site, hard hat and all. 

The extra minutes of sleep was quite necessary for Wesley to get going on his construction work. He would push barrows of cement. He would carry multiple iron bars. Sometimes, he simply carried himself. The work was now in its closing phase, deeming more work upstairs in the building. As he was climbing up the scaffold, a brief lightheadedness resulted in him dozing off. Within seconds, Wesley quickly fell off, falling straight downstairs, into a pile of construction waste and sand. 

Today just may have been a bad day. This time, Wesley was thankful simply to be alive. Yet, no arms got twisted. No legs broken. He was allowed to rest a few minutes, orders given by the manager himself. All the co-workers did not mind doing a bit extra work for Wesley, for he was well liked among the crowd. 

Wesley had no way to pack a lunch. He also did not want to burden others for his lack of money onto his co-workers. So, Wesley would slowly disappear during lunch time, filling his stomach with lots of water. 

Wesley managed to work the afternoon hours. Before leaving the site, the manager lined up the works of site 2, and gave each employee an envelope of pay. It was a little less than expected, but it was more than necessary to carry on another day for Wesley. 

He quickly left the site and hurried off to the pizza parlor. For a brief moment, the clouds cleared. Sun was shining down ever so brightly, especially upon Wesley. 

A gentle smile formed upon his face. 

The skies darkened quickly thereafter, and raindrops started to fall. The forecast was pretty damn accurate today. As Wesley jogged down, he was hoping to make it there on time. He was hoping the roads would not be too slippery. He hoped. 

Love by by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Love by by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

And in Life’s noisiest hour,
There whispers still the ceaseless Love of Thee,
The heart’s Self-solace and soliloquy.
You mould my Hopes, you fashion me within ;
And to the leading Love-throb in the Heart
Thro’ all my Being, thro’ my pulse’s beat ;
You lie in all my many Thoughts, like Light,
Like the fair light of Dawn, or summer Eve
On rippling Stream, or cloud-reflecting Lake.
And looking to the Heaven, that bends above you,
How oft! I bless the Lot that made me love you.