Trials and Peace

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." James 1:2-3

On an earlier post, I wrote that I had been stationed in Chuncheon, one of the more envied places to be stationed within the public health doctors. I am utterly grateful for the opportunity, but, at the same time, I have had a tug of heart.

On the day before the raffle for stationing, I had a few choices in mind. I could apply to Jeonbuk and hope to have been stationed near Gochang in order to see the kids I have met while volunteering at a children's shelter. Or, I could have applied to the Ministry of Health and Welfare and hope to have been placed at Seoul Station to provide free medical services to the homeless. 

The downside of applying to Jeonbuk was that I was sure to be far from home. The downside of applying to the Ministry of Health and Welfare was that I had a higher chance of working at a prison. There were definitely more reasons for and against the decisions at hand, but in the end, I chose to apply to Gangwondo as it would be a place closest to home with the least amount of workload. 

Having got what I had thought I wanted, I spent most of my days doing nothing. I mean nothing it that I am rarely doing much that is constructive. At first, I had thought this was a gift from God as that of how Elijah was taken care of in the ravines. Recently, however, I feel that I had taken the road I had wanted, rather than what God would have loved. 

I can honestly say that I had been fearful. I was afraid of moving far from home yet again, afraid of the trials of serving a new place, afraid of responsibilities, afraid of feeling I was the only Christian in the neighborhood. I was afraid I would lead a life that of Martha, simply anxious and frustrated to "do" works, rather than to enjoy God. 

However, the choices were made and I have to live with this for three years. I am hesitant to say this, but there really seems little possibility of moving elsewhere now, and I feel like this will be a thorn in my heart for years.

I remember someone once saying that getting what you wanted all the time, of being left alone to do whatever by God could be a sign to reconsider your relationship with God.

Coincidentally, I am in the middle of reading the book of Jeremiah, and I feel like a sincere repentance is in order. 

It simply may be my workaholic attitude towards God that leads me to think that I should have taken the road with more work. It could be that I have trouble simply enjoying life that is given from God. In any case, this sure is a good opportunity to spend more time with God. 

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18