My Ishmael

"Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian slave named Hagar; so she said to Abram, 'The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my slave; perhaps I can build a family through her.'” Genesis 16:1-2

"So Hagar bore Abram a son, and Abram gave the name Ishmael to the son she had borne." Genesis 16:15

"Now the Lord was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did for Sarah what he had promised. Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him. Abraham gave the name Isaac to the son Sarah bore him." Genesis 21:1-3

"But Sarah saw that the son whom Hagar the Egyptian had borne to Abraham was mocking, and she said to Abraham, 'Get rid of that slave woman and her son, for that woman’s son will never share in the inheritance with my son Isaac.'” Genesis 21:9-10

Though the passage is longer than usual, I felt a need to share a good block of the backstory. God had promised Abram, now Abraham, a multitude of descendants who will flourish. This was to be done by his wife Sarai, now Sarah. However, Sarah becomes anxious and takes matters into her own hands. She decides to give Hagar, her slave, to bear a child for Abraham. 

Hagar bears Abraham a son, calling him Ishmael. During this period of pregnancy for Hagar, she imposes her begotten authority upon Sarah, as Hagar is the child bearer to the master of the house. Because of this Sarah becomes distressed and forces Hagar out of the house. 

God brings Hagar back, and she does give birth to Ishmael. Later, Sarah becomes pregnant as God had promised. Upon naming the son Isaac, Ishmael is said to have mocked Isaac. Through this, Hagar and Ishmael is finally cast out of the house. 

Five people mixed with heartbreaks and frustrations: Abraham for his mistrust in God's promise. Sarah for her impatience. Hagar for her arrogance. Ishmael for his envy. Isaac for his weakness. Whatever it was, their individual iniquities ended up bringing tragedy upon a household. 

I remember praying to God for his blessed guidance through multiple matters of life. Whether it be a career or a relationship, I would ask for his wisdom in making the right choices. I have now realized that, though praying to God is still a wonderful attitude of a Christian, I had been making the choices myself, simply asking God to have my back. With every single decision made completely alone, I would find myself in trouble, or in frustrations. Not all life choices came out as disasters, but I have now gotten quite tired of soiling my life with poor decisions. I wanted to stop creating my Ishmaels. I had now wanted to find outright joy in my Isaacs. 

In my heart, I guess I wanted to say that I am fully tired of meeting and parting ways with that special someone. I truly hold raising a family to high value in my life. Meeting someone to love wholeheartedly through eternity seems to be the hardest task of my life. I realized that I had not been patient in waiting upon God's guidance in finding such a person. I just thought perhaps it was due time to wait upon the LORD.