Sparkles

A sparkler quickly rushes in a beam of light, gently illuminating the dark and the cold. It is short lived; a bag is soon emptied with but the remains of what once was.

It has been already a year since I started coming to Aeminwon. Though it was only for one hour, I spent time with kids to teach a bit of English. I honestly did not expect the kids to truly learn English. I simply wanted to spent quality time with them. As weeks went by, though, I grew tired of how little they seemed to care for the time together. They rarely did their homework, nor did they study for weekly vocabulary tests. I wondered if that was how all children were. I just did not seem appreciated much. 

I also thought about how poor their living conditions could have been. They are well fed and well clothed, but one teacher had to take care of nearly seven to eight kids at once. Telling kids to do their homework usually flies by quickly when its multiple kids to check on. Nonetheless, I grew tired and irritated that they did not listen to me at all. I would give long talks about how they needed to study, how they need to do a good job to survive out there, how they really needed to struggle. 

However, those words never really seemed to reach to the kids, because for three straight weeks, they did not study, not a single word. I had even bought Christmas gifts and toys to play together, but after learning how they did not bother, I just could not find it in me to play with them. 

Yet, the toys were bought, and with a certain resignation of mind, I took them outside to play with the sparklers. I knew I had bought the shorter ones, but they burned out a bit too quickly. The sparklers did emit quite a luminescence, for it grew completely dark soon after all had died down. After we were done, I told them for the last time to study and went home. 

While coming home, I was reminded of how my service was ending soon. I would not be able to come volunteer much anymore afterwards. I thought about what effect I might have had to the kids. Upon a bit of reminiscing, I was worried they would remember me as someone who nagged constantly. 

They were kids who just needed love. Would Jesus have acted in such a way towards the kids? Would not life have been enough stress as it was for them to have me yelling at them? I regretted on my decisions to simply let my emotions out towards them, rather than to swallow it all and have fun with them. 

I had been going on medical service trips to Ansan every month as well. As that was also coming to a close, it was comforting to see how a new doctor came. Everything fell soundly in place, as if God was telling me that I had done a good job. It was time for me to move on, and He will take care of the rest there. I am hoping He would do the same for me in Aeminwon.