Why I Need to Pray

In what vain attempts to remember God, I decided to commit to a daily prayer meeting. It was a meeting organized by the school chapter of the Christian Medical Fellowship. Everyday at 9 PM, with the exception of Thursdays when they have a large group meeting, several students would gather to sing praises and pray. It would last about 30 minutes and the rest would be free time of prayer. After having gone nearly half the semester, it quickly became a routine. I would sit down, close my eyes and pray for about 5 minutes, but I would soon begin to dose off and wake up nearly 10 minutes later. 

The Amalekites came and attacked the Israelites at Rephidim. Moses said to Joshua, "Choose some of our men and go out to fight the Amalekites. Tomorrow I will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands."
So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he say on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up - one on one side, one on the other - so that his hands remained steady till sunset. So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.
Then the LORD said to Moses, "Write this on a scroll as something to be remembered and make sure that Joshua hears it, because I will completely blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven."
Moses built an altar and called it Jehovah Nissi [The LORD is my Banner]. He said, "For hands were lifted up to the throne of the LORD. The LORD will be at war against the Amalekites from generation to generation." Exodus 17:8:16

Although passionately praying at first, Moses grew tired and soon began to falter. How long would a battle last exactly? Hours to days, I would say. Moses just might as well have dosed off. That, however, did not seem to matter anyways. As long as his hands were physically up, the Israelites were winning. The altar stood to say that the battle was won by God, and God alone. Maybe our sound mind, elaborate prayers do not matter as much to God. Maybe it is the constant act of worship, the longing for Him, the recognition of the desperate need for His help, the endless desire to carry on a conversation. 

Maybe this is why God compels me to get up early every morning, though not always quite successful. Maybe this is why God moves my feet to walk everyday. Maybe this is why God has given me a new life with new opportunities. 

Congrats and a Twist

Hey, congratulations.
I know it's none of my business and all,
but he better be one hell of a guy.
I'll be thoroughly disappointed, if elsewise.

Some Special Day

After having stayed up until 3 in the morning, I abandoned all thoughts of studying and went briskly to bed, hoping to get up early the next morning. That never happened. As I got up around 9AM, I bustled about to get ready and start studying again. The following week had three exams scheduled, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. It's funny how in those specific times, times when I feel busy, I am called to be somewhere else. That morning, a friend of mine reminded me of a monthly meeting that I had forgotten. It was called Murray Meetings, in which the group invites a missionary to come speak. I had just sat down to study, but for some odd reason, I could not shake the longing to be there. Though about 40 minutes late, I entered just when the missionary was about to speak. His first few words were, "As a missionary for North Korea..." It could have been just another day, another coincidence, but the fascination arises as I had prayed nearly a week ago, specifically about the matter. As I felt rather lost amidst the school days, I asked God to teach me what I should be praying for. Just like how most of work done in medical school is memorizing, I felt it the same for Christians: remembering the graces of God seeped deep into the lives. About a year ago, I heard a missions report from Stephen Linton regarding TB patients. Within his message, he challenged the audience in asking who would be praying for North Korea if not the South Koreans. I had always thought about becoming a medical missionary, but the location was always vague, some distant land far away, possibly a tropical region. From that day on, however, I started looking twice whenever North Korea was mentioned. The first semester blew by quickly, but during the summer, I was again reminded of such thoughts. Yet, here I was again, listening to all the tragedies of North Korea, the pain and the suffering, but passionately longing for the Word of the Lord that could never be matched with people of free countries. To be honest, writing these thoughts down here in this blog is more for myself, as a reminder. I still have an exam tomorrow, which I should be studying for, but nonetheless, taking this time to write this down, hopefully, will again remind me of the people that God has set His eyes on. As for others in similar positions, pray, act and love. That alone should be enough to change the world.

Self-Note #76538

I wonder what crossed the mind of Moses. What were his thoughts when he was in the desert? I wonder what John was thinking when he saw all his friends persecuted. There are people in the corners of the world, even the darkest, the most remotest of the lands, waiting upon the Lord's command. 

I, too, shall keep none for myself. I will regain my honor. 

On Lust

While they were enjoying themselves, some of the wicked men of the city surrounded the house. Pounding on the door, they shouted to the old man who owned the house, “Bring out the man who came to your house so we can have sex with him.”
The owner of the house went outside and said to them, “No, my friends, don’t be so vile. Since this man is my guest, don’t do this outrageous thing. Look, here is my virgin daughter, and his concubine. I will bring them out to you now, and you can use them and do to them whatever you wish. But as for this man, don’t do such an outrageous thing.”
But the men would not listen to him. So the man took his concubine and sent her outside to them, and they raped her and abused her throughout the night, and at dawn they let her go. At daybreak the woman went back to the house where her master was staying, fell down at the door and lay there until daylight.
When her master got up in the morning and opened the door of the house and stepped out to continue on his way, there lay his concubine, fallen in the doorway of the house, with her hands on the threshold. He said to her, “Get up; let’s go.” But there was no answer. Then the man put her on his donkey and set out for home.
When he reached home, he took a knife and cut up his concubine, limb by limb, into twelve parts and sent them into all the areas of Israel. Everyone who saw it was saying to one another, “Such a thing has never been seen or done, not since the day the Israelites came up out of Egypt. Just imagine! We must do something! So speak up!”

Judges 19:22-30

Twelve Body Pieces
David and Bathsheba
Absalom and concubines
Tamar raped
Samson and Delilah
Revelation and the Harlot

Think of the consequences.

No Turning Back

집에 가는 길 지하철을 타면
수많은 사람들이 나를 지나쳐간다
그 많은 사람들 각자
자신들의 삶을 살아가는 모습을 보면
나는 어디서 무얼하고 있나
아무도 모를 것만 같은 곳에서

세상 등지고 열심히 살아가면
언젠가는 당신을 위해
작은 힘이 될 수 있겠다는 생각
그런 생각인가 보다

Caritate tua, for your love

Adoption to Love

A story

There was a wealthy man who also had a kind heart. This was seen through his love of children. Perhaps that is why he owned a toy shop, wanting to make children smile.

One Christmas day, he invited kids from the children's home and allowed each to take a gift from the store. The kids leaped with joy ran around the shop, searching for the perfect one. As the man was happily watching the children, he felt a little tug. A child, with glistening eyes, looked up to the man, ever so shy. With a soft heart, the wealthy man scrunched down and looked at the child and asked, "would you like to go searching for something you like?" The child, still too shy, did not say anything. The child simply held on. The man, filled with grace, took the child as his own, for the child held onto the his deepest desire.


God allowed me the time and heart to volunteer at a local child care shelter. I would help these kids study, maybe even teach them something. Just yesterday, I was in charge of taking them outside to the playground. Ten or so kids started playing dodgeball.

One little girl who got tagged out would not let go of me. She just held on, danced around me, pulled me down, told me to jump up and down with her. She would give me a hug, hold my hand and smile. Although each and every child was equally in my heart, this one really took my attention. She poured out her heart, wishing to receive the same.

love.