Christmas in Paris

I was not born to a Christian family, though I have been attending church since young. A family friend of my mother took us to church and we have been a part of the Christian community since. That family also had two sons, each the same age as my brother and I. Though they moved to France at a very young age, we managed to keep in touch, even through all the tough times without the internet. 

In my sophomore year of college, my brother and I decided to journey over to Paris to see our friends. They were gracious enough to let us bum around for nearly two weeks in their house. We literally went place to place in Paris for the majority of our trip. France was cold as it was during winter break, but we were young and everything was just joyful.

I was very eager in showing my faith to others then. I still had not figured out the difference between true humble faith versus the passionate rowdy faith. I thought showing what I was "doing" for the Lord was everything. Thus, I was pretty excited to visit the church my friend was serving, especially since it was Christmas time, the perfect chance to show off just how much I "loved" God.

My friend and I had been a little late to the Christmas worship, the one with all the nativity scenes and talent shows. Although we were late, the grade school kids were performing their cute talents, so it was not so obvious that we were late. However, a friend of my friend noticed, and she got close. She introduced herself to me and said these words that I cannot forget still. 

She asked, "Are your here to meet girls as well?"

Mind you, this was all in Korean. She was still standing as she was talking to me, which created a sense of her looking down upon me. The voice was with bitterness in serving God lonesomely and accumulated years disappointment in the lack of seeming companionship. 

Before I could muster up any response, she simply left telling me to enjoy France. I still, to this day, am humbled when reminded of the time, but I do have feelings of false accusation towards the girl. As much as I had not been pure in faith, I had the childish passion. I believe this passion drives us to a more refined faith. Nonetheless, there is no reason to shy away from the fact that I probably was there to meet girls, to meet people to feed my interests, to feed my ego and my own selfishness. 

I am still wondering if sharing these thoughts would make me a better person in the eyes of God.