Recent News and Thoughts

My train of thought started from hearing news of the death of a certain celebrity. She was considered a beautiful woman among celebrities. She was young. She was famous, and she committed suicide. It has been said that she had been going through depression. She had been in the spotlight many times, and suffered a lot of criticism beyond normalcy on social media.

I thought about how the church I used to attend started off with a strong vision towards celebrity evangelism. The pastor had such a passion towards celebrities, as he knew just how difficult it was to maintain a health mentality. Although it may seem silly, I really did pray silently for certain celebrities. I especially remember praying for this specific celebrity, but as I was questioning God on the recent turn of events, I felt like I heard an answer saying, "Did you really pray? Do you call that praying?" 

I thought how I prayed. I really had not prayed. It was only just a passing thought that I had lingering for a brief moment. Even if I had, I knew in my mind that it was only for my selfish desires. I thought about how nice and gentle I could be towards such celebrities. I thought about how I could be the one to stay by her side, and see her recover. I thought about how I could have a beautiful girl for myself. I thought about how I could be her salvation and how she could be mine. Love was an idol for me. Love for it had been growing bigger than for God. 

I remembered then how I was never promised such luxury. I had sought happiness in finding love. I wanted a lover, not just any other, but a beautiful one. I was never promised that. I wanted to find happiness through her, but I was never promised happiness either, at least in this life. Yes, I do recognize the glory and joy of being with God here and through heaven eternal was promised, but I was thinking more about finding satisfaction in the world. I was promised Jesus, nothing more. Nothing more needed. 

I then thought about how there would be countless others who were going through depression, having thoughts of suicide themselves, but were not popular enough to be named on media. They truly would be ones that simply disappeared in history. I thought about what I could do for them. I could not think about anything else than praying at the moment, not just to praying in passing, but to really ask for the intervention of God. Perhaps through miraculous ways, or through the hands of his men, may He reach them. Perhaps through me, in grace.