Flying Time, Crouching Age

Time truly passes fast. It's already June. I hadn't realized that I haven't written this much. Though there had been a lot that passed by, one thing for sure was that there was a lot that God wanted to heal within me. I am learning that I have a deep fear of life, that I worry too much, that I am not truly living this life, and that I am so broken from God's intention. 

Resurrected/Unassured

My duty had been on Tuesdays and Saturdays for the last few weeks and weeks to come. Tuesday duties are far easier as I am in charge of the ward for only half the day. The Saturday duties are quite different, as I am in charge through the 24 hours. 

Nonetheless, I am still able to slip in some hours of sleep, but my Sundays start with grueling tiredness altogether. As much as I feel comfortable with my relationship with Christ again following religion, not attending church on Sundays still brings in gentle guilt.

After sleeping most of the morning away, I somewhat drag myself to church half asleep. As I head into the hall, I feel something is different. It was Holy Sunday, the day celebrated as the resurrection of Christ. 

It just seemed so long ago that I had a big stirring in my heart when thinking upon Jesus. With time, I learned to have certainty about my resurrection, my being with Christ at the end of my life. Today, however, it all seemed to be in my head, only in my thoughts did I feel like I would be in heaven. Was I truly sure that I would be with Christ?

Resurrection, I believe, yet I felt so unassured about it. I really just wanted to meet God,, truly experience his presence. 

Arbor Day Planting

A seed of hope. A seed of love.
Grows deep into my heart, conjuring joy and expectations.

Update News

 Hi everyone.

I know rarely anyone reads these anymore. I know I haven't been eager to post updates here that much anyway. Life has moved on much since. I finished my internship and have moved onto residency. 

As for specialty, I am not quite comfortable with where I am right now, so I'll keep it on the down-low. I am still trying to make the best of situations, so please bear with me.

I am thinking about how I have drifted quite far from God, at least how I feel about Him. I know He loves me still very much, but I know I haven't been very talkative towards Him. 

To anyone who stumbles upon these decrepit blog posts, I ask that you would pray for me, in that I become a decent doctor, able to diagnose and treat diseases fairly well; and that I don't wander far from my efforts in traveling with God.

Thanks everyone.

Dream Sequence #6116457

The Brady Road was marked with a thick fog right from start. An old brick laden entrance greeted any newcomers with an eerie presence. Red bricks now gone ash gray. The typical spear-headed fencing added to the dark flavor.

My brother walked straight into the shroud. His steps were brazen with ambition and greed. It wasn't his first time visiting the forsaken place. It's been said at the heart of the fog, you can hear faint voice, or more so an anguish with a prophetic insight. It is said to give you visions of the future or what is to come, but if there has also been rumors of people gone mad from the voices. Apparently, a man too long into hearing such cries will soon break down in spirit and mind.

Soon we arrive at the plaza. A faint look of a balcony was in sight, and from the distance, I could soon hear colors and lights. My mind wandered soon into the past and the future. Laughter and desperation all passed through me. Most importantly, I was feeling alone and scared. As I turned to see my brother, he grabbed hold me and began to run.

I ran passed the stairs, the streets, the buildings. Everything soon crumbled into one. White turned to gray, to black. Soon I woke up in a hotel. I was not in bed, but was working as a bellboy. 'Do this, do that.' After a few chores, I realized I was still amidst realms of the Brady Road.

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At the time, I was working menial jobs. I was working delivery one time. When I got to the place, I saw two workers fully in a HAZMAT Level A suit. They were working with a floating jelly writing in pain. It was soon united with a dog to become an amalgamation of a moss in a figure of what was an animal. The workers were talking about contamination. As they were trying to rid of their experiment, some got loose. It broke free from the confines of the experiment, and again, that was the last memory I recall.

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The safehouse was full again. Jeb and Alice were back. Jeb seemed darker than usual, while Alice was glowing in amber. The safehouse master greeted us, but her secretary was unwelcoming as usual. The secretary was always suspecting of a breech, perhaps of being compromised. Nonetheless, we did not have much time. We had to think of a way to fight back.

a Rascal

You're a rascal, a rebel
the Grim fucking Ripper
out robbing hearts, clobbing minds
a ruptured soul, rushing for redemption

Night Stars

 Where did they all go? All the little stars that shined bright for attention. The dreams that they carried, all the bright futures that could be. One by one, faded into the night sky. All that is left is but a tiny glimmering star, waiting to shine its last light before becoming one with the darkness, at home, at rest.