On Hospice Care and Transcendence

"Ben Okri, the great novelist, wrote about the importance of sharing stories, a process which he described as enabling a greater connection among people to the common bond of ‘human destiny, human suffering, and human transcendence’. The stories that Okri alludes to, are very much present and numerous within the field of advanced diseases and palliative care. Central to these stories, shared and heard, are the beliefs, values and the personal meanings about life that makes each person unique, alongside the common bond with others and with the world in which they live."

"Spirituality in palliative care" BMC Palliative Care 2023; 22:1 - Barry Quinn and Michael Connolly

As a resident in Family Medicine, though the concept of Hospice care is closer to  Oncologists, I have been given the opportunity to work along side the Hospice center for Gangnam Severance Hospital. It was just one year ago the hospital launched the Hospice program, and I was the starting resident for it. Just a year later, the hospital established a center now with more staff. 

Though many patients come from different backgrounds and diseases, a common theme is that each patient is on somewhat of a journey with their course of diease. Some lash out onto the medical staff, while others have fully accepted their status. 

Yet, I feel like if the patient spends more time talking to someone, be it anybody, the journey seems to be carried on with a lighter weight. I don't quite have much opinions on the human destiny, the suffering and the transcendence, but I do believe sharing stories do really have a positive impact on each other. 

As more and more medical services are delivered electronically, I feel the need for a good talk grow every day. 

On Ad Astra

"Now we know, we're all we got." - Ad Astra

Never thought that the implications of accepting humanity as the only form of life in the universe would be that we are all that we have. It would makes us even more precious, even more loving.

I had once heard that Christian doctrine leans towards that there are no extraterrestrial lifeforms. I never bothered to study it. I brushed it off as simply being stubborn and obtuse. Now I know that believing we are the only intelligent being would makes us unique, that God indeed created us specially, that we are to know Him and to love Him.

싸이퍼 / 고등래퍼 2 - 김하온

안녕 나를 소개하지
이름은 김하온 직업은 traveler
취미는 Tai Chi, meditation 독서, 영화시청
랩 해 터-털어 너 그리고 날 위해
증오는 빼는 편이야 가사에서 질리는 맛이기에
나는 텅 비어 있고 prolly 셋 정도의 guest
진리를 묻는다면 시간이 필요해 Let me guess
아니면 너의 것을 말해줘 내가 배울 수 있게
난 추악함에서 오히려 더 배우는 편이야 man
거울을 보는 듯한 삶 Mirror on the wa-wall
관찰하는 셈이지 이 모든 것 wu-wut
뻐-뻔한 걸 뻔하지 않게 switch up
뻔하지 않은게 뻔하게 되고 있으니까 you know
I ain't trynna be something, I'm just trynna be me
그대들은 verse 채우기 위해서 화나 있지
물결 거스르지 않고 즐겨 transurfing
원한다면 내 손으로 들어올 테니 uh
생이란 이 얼마나 허무하며 아름다운가
왜 우린 우리 자체로 행복할 수 없는가
우리는 어디서 와 어디로 가는 중인가
원해 모든 것을 하나로 아울러주는 답
배우며 살아 비록 학교 뛰쳐나왔어도
깨어 있기를 반복해도 머리 위로 흔들리는 pendulum
난 커다란 여정의 시작 앞에 서 있어
따라와줘 원한다면 나 외로운건 싫어서

김하온 - 싸이퍼 / 고등래퍼 2

Darling of Heaven

"Worthy is the Lamb" - Hillsong Worship

The Darling of Heaven crucified
Worthy is the Lamb

A song I have heard many times, yet I never stopped to truly meditate on the lyrics. Jesus, the darling of Heaven. Darling is a word so packed with love. Beauty and affection overflows from the word itself, and yet, he was crucified. He was taken to great pain for us. How much more a darling are we to have received such love? 

Excerpt from "The Cost of Discipleship" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“Doubt and reflection take the place of spontaneous obedience.

… [The young man] had hoped to avoid committing himself to any definite moral obligations by forcing Jesus to discuss his spiritual problems. He had hoped Jesus would offer him a solution of his moral difficulties. But instead he finds Jesus attacking not his question but himself. The only answer to his difficulties is the very commandment of God, which challenges him to have done with academic discussion and to get on with the task of obedience. Only the devil has an answer for our moral difficulties, and he says: “Keep on posing problems, and you will escape the necessity of obedience.” But Jesus is not interested in the young man’s problems; he is interested in the young man himself. He refuses to take those difficulties as seriously as the young man does. There is one thing only which Jesus takes seriously, and that is, that it is high time the young man began to hear the commandment and obey it. Where moral difficulties are taken so seriously, where they torment and enslave man, because they do not leave him open to the freeing activity of obedience, it is there that his total godlessness is revealed. All his difficulties are shown to be ungodly, frivolous and the proof of sheer disobedience. The one thing that matters is practical obedience. That will solve his difficulties and make him (and all of us) free to become the child of God. Such is God’s diagnosis of man’s moral difficulties.

The young man has now been twice brought face to face with the truth of the Word of God, and there is no further chance of evading his commandment. It is clear there is no alternative but to obey it. But he is still not satisfied. “All these things have I observed from my youth up: what lack I yet?” Doubtless he was just as convinced of his sincerity this time as he was before. But it is just here that his defiance of Jesus reaches its climax. He knows the commandment and has kept it, but now, he thinks, that cannot be all God wants of him, there must be something more, some extraordinary and unique demand, and this is what he wants to do. The revealed commandment of God is incomplete, he says, as he makes the last attempt to preserve his independence and decide for himself what is good and evil. He affirms the commandment with one hand and subjects it to a frontal attack on the other. “All these things have I observed from my youth up.” St Mark adds at this point: “and Jesus looking upon him loved him” (Mark 10:21). Jesus sees how hopelessly the young man has closed his mind to the living Word of God, how serious he is about it, and how heartily he rages against the living commandment and the spontaneous obedience it demands. Jesus wants to help the young man because he loves him.” -  The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

헨리 나우웬의 "이 잔을 들겠느냐"에서

"댈러스, 가장 중요한 질문을 했어요. 여기 계신 여러분 모두 새벽 공동체를 서로 사랑하고 보호해 주는 여러분의 집으로 만들고 싶어한다는 것을 잘 알고 있습니다. 여러분이 사랑하고 또 여러분을 사랑하는 사람들이 떠나는 이유가 뭐냐고요? 왜 자꾸 이별의 아픔을 겪어야 하느냐고요? 

어쩌면 여러분 중에는 사람들이 정말로 여러분을 사랑하는 것이 아니라고 생각하는 사람들도 있을겁니다. 정말로 사랑한다면 떠나지 말아야 하는 것이 아닌가 하고 생각할 수도 있지요.

그런데 여러분에게는 사명이 있습니다. 여러분과 함께 살았고 여러분에게 많은 것을 주었으며 또한 여러분에게서 많은 것을 받았던 자원봉사자들이 여러분 곁을 떠나는 것이라고 생각하지 마십시오. 오히려 여러분이 그들을 가정과 학교로 다시 되돌려 보내는 것이라고 생각하세요. 

여러분과 나누었던 사랑을 세상에 전하기 위해서 말이죠. 물론 어려운 일입니다. 그들을 떠나보내기가 얼마나 고통스러운지 나도 알아요. 하지만 그들을 돌려보내는 것이 여러분에게 주어진 사명이라는 것을 깨닫는다면 그분들이 인생 여정을 계속할 수 있도록 기꺼이 놓아줄 수 있게 될 겁니다. 그분들이 여러분에게 주었던 기쁨은 추억으로 간직하면서 말이죠." 

이 잔을 들겠느냐 - 헨리 나우웬

Love in Action

"Love doesn't look away. And it doesn't walk away. It involves itself. It inconveniences itself. It indebts itself." Moments with the Savior, Ken Gire

Both need to go hand in hand: a faithful prayer and a passionate servitude. 

Love’s Philosophy by Percy Bysshe Shelley

Love’s Philosophy by Percy Bysshe Shelley 

The fountains mingle with the river
And the rivers with the ocean,
The winds of heaven mix for ever
With a sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single;
All things by a law divine
In one spirit meet and mingle.
Why not I with thine?—

See the mountains kiss high heaven
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister-flower would be forgiven
If it disdained its brother;
And the sunlight clasps the earth
And the moonbeams kiss the sea:
What is all this sweet work worth
If thou kiss not me?

Night Thoughts by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Night Thoughts by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Stars, you are unfortunate, I pity you,
Beautiful as you are, shining in your glory,
Who guide seafaring men through stress and peril
And have no recompense from gods or mortals,
Love you do not, nor do you know what love is.
Hours that are aeons urgently conducting
Your figures in a dance through the vast heaven,
What journey have you ended in this moment,
Since lingering in the arms of my beloved
I lost all memory of you and midnight.

Sonnets from the Portuguese 43: How Do I Love Thee by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Sonnets from the Portuguese 43: How Do I Love Thee by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight.
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, –I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! — and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Love by by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Love by by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

And in Life’s noisiest hour,
There whispers still the ceaseless Love of Thee,
The heart’s Self-solace and soliloquy.
You mould my Hopes, you fashion me within ;
And to the leading Love-throb in the Heart
Thro’ all my Being, thro’ my pulse’s beat ;
You lie in all my many Thoughts, like Light,
Like the fair light of Dawn, or summer Eve
On rippling Stream, or cloud-reflecting Lake.
And looking to the Heaven, that bends above you,
How oft! I bless the Lot that made me love you.

The Clod and the Pebble by William Blake

The Clod and the Pebble by William Blake

Love seeketh not Itself to please,
Nor for itself hath any care;
But for another gives its ease,
And builds a Heaven in Hells despair.

So sang a little Clod of Clay,
Trodden with the cattle’s feet;
But a Pebble of the brook,
Warbled out these metres meet.

Love seeketh only Self to please,

To bind another to Its delight:
Joys in anothers loss of ease,
And builds a Hell in Heavens despite.

La Vita Nuova by Dante Alighieri

La Vita Nuova by Dante Alighieri

In that book which is
My memory...
On the first page
That is the chapter when
I first met you
Appear the words...
Here begins a new life

Quote from "Death at a Funeral"

"He may not have been a perfect man, but he was a good man, and he loved us. All I wanted to do today was to give him a dignified send-off. Is that really so much to ask? So, maybe, maybe he had some things he liked to do. Life isn't simple, it's complicated. We're all just thrown in here together, in a world full of chaos and confusion, a world full of questions and no answers, death always lingering around the corner, and we do our best. We can only do our best, and my dad did his best. He always tried to tell me that you have to go for what you want in life because you never know how long you're going to be here. And whether you succeed or you fail, the most important thing is to have tried. And apparently no one will guide you in the right direction, in the end you have to learn for yourself. You have to grow up yourself. So when you all leave here today, I would like you to remember my father for who he really was: a decent, loving man. If only we could be as giving and generous and as understanding as my father was. Then the world would be a far better place."

Death at at Funeral (2007)

말꼬리 (Feat. 정준일 Of Mate) - 윤종신

비는 오고 너는 가려 하고 내 마음 눅눅하게 잠기고

낡은 흑백영화 한 장면처럼 내 말은 자꾸 끊기고

사랑한 만큼 힘들었다고 사랑하기에 날 보낸다고

말도 안 되는 그 이별 핑계에 나의 대답을 원하니

너만큼 사랑하지 않았었나봐 

나는 좀 덜 사랑해서 널 못 보내 

가슴이 너무 좁아 떠나간 너의 행복 빌어줄

그런 드라마 같은 그런 속 깊은 사랑 내겐 없으니

사랑하면 내게 머물러줘 사랑하면 이별은 없는거야

말꼬리 (Feat. 정준일 Of Mate) - 윤종신

Sonnet 18 by William Shakespeare

Sonnet 18 by William Shakespeare

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer’s lease hath all too short a date;
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature’s changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st;
Nor shall death brag thou wander’st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow’st:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

대비 애커먼의 [가장 힘든 일 기다림] 에서

"당신이 하나님에게 받은 약속과 관련해 기다림의 시간표를 생각하고 있다면 당신이 혼자 기다리지 않도록 하나님께서 당신을 위해 보내신 친구의 얼굴이 떠오를지도 모른다. 다윗에게도 그런 친구가 있었다. 한때 그가 수금을 타며 사울 왕의 마음을 위로하고 있을 때 왕은 그를 사랑했다. 그러다가 사울에게 다윗은 질투와 증오의 대상으로 바뀌었다.

이 시간표에 따라 사울이 다윗을 죽이려 할 때 하나님께서는 그의 고통스런 마음을 함께 나눌 친구를 주셨다. 다윗에게 사울의 아들인 요나단은 형제보다도 더 가까운, 마음을 주고 받는 친구였다. 이 우정은 다윗가 하나님의 관계에도 힘을 더했다."

[가장 힘든 일 기다림] - 데비 애커먼

Short Stop Before Eternity

Did I request thee, Maker, from my clay
To mould me Man, did I solicit thee
From darkness to promote me?
Paradise Lost - John Milton

It is said trauma can be repressed, but it cannot be erased. You can very well take out a nail, but the hole still remains. As mistakes accumulate the heart becomes heavy, paralyzing any thoughts of activeness. It is these precise moments that humbles me, and pulls me closer towards God. You would think repetitive wrongdoings can ultimately be fixed. Perhaps my frame of time is too short. Maybe that is why God takes us through eternity to be with Him. Even still, it would be great to see change happen within this short stop before eternity. 

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." A Farewell to Arms - Ernest Hemingway

축하합니다 - 정호승

축하합니다 - 정호승

이 봄날에 꽃으로 피지 않아
실패하신 분 손들어보세요
이 겨울날에 눈으로 내리지 않아
실패하신 분 손 들어보세요
괜찮아요, 손 드세요, 손들어보세요
아, 네, 꽃으로 피어나지 못하신 분 손 드셨군요
바위에 씨 뿌리다가 지치신 분도 손 드셨군요
첫눈을 기다리다가 서서 죽으신 분도 손 드셨군요
네, 네, 손 들어주셔서 감사합니다
여러분들의 모든 실패를 축하합니다
천국이 없어 예수가 울고 있는 오늘밤에는
낙타가 바늘구멍으로 들어갔습니다
드디어 희망 없이 열심히 살아갈 희망이 생겼습니다
축하합니다

Beautiful Struggle - Talib Kweli

The laughter's the best medicine

But the troubles you have today you just can't laugh away

Stay optimistic, thinking change is gonna come like Donny Hathaway

You have to pray, on top of that, act today

Cause opportunity shrivel away like Tom Hanks in "Cast Away"

Everybody pass away, the pastor prays, the family mournin'

Everybody act accordin' to the season that they born in (You'll try to change the world)

You fight in the streets, start bleedin' 'til the blood is pourin'

In the gutter, mothers cry 'til the Lord be livin' by the sword and

All that folks want is safety, they goin' gun crazy

The same reason Reagan was playin' war games in the '80s

The same reason I always rock dog chains on my babies

The struggle is beautiful, I'm too strong for your slavery

Beautiful Struggle - Talib Kweli